


A Bludger To The Heart

by DeepPerplexity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Snapedom - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Bruises, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, Feels, Fighting, Fluff, Forced Marriage, Hatred, Heartache, Heartbreaking, Hiding, Hogwarts, Hurt, Longing, Love, Love Confessions, Marriage, Pain, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Quidditch, Rage, Running Away, Seperation, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Smut, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepPerplexity/pseuds/DeepPerplexity
Summary: Severus had never thought he could have love in his life. He had not the faintest idea that there was someone out there just for him. Well, he figured it out one day as he met Lucius and the lovely Arabella on a Quidditch match at Hogwarts as the two were there to cheer for Draco (or, well, Lucius were more likely there to make sure Draco didn't make a fool of himself). But love is not that simple. Severus knows all too well that life usually throws curveballs at him - so why would this be any different? But she was, sweet Arabella Malfoy with twinkling eyes and love in her heart. For him.
Relationships: Severus Snape x Female!Malfoy!OC, Severus Snape/Arabella Malfoy, Severus Snape/OC, Severus/Arabella, Snape/Female!Malfoy!OC!
Kudos: 4





	1. Vital Importance

**Author's Note:**

> **Imagine prompt by:** boodalinski-gifs @ tumblr  
> “Imagine Severus meeting his future s/o when they (being a younger Malfoy relative) accompany Lucius to see Draco’s quidditch match.” 
> 
> **POV:** Third Limited, Severus tilt.

_Some aestetics for Arabella Malfoy:_

* * *

**The stands** were filled, the pitch roared and vibrated with excitement as the game proceeded. Gryffindor vs. Slytherin - a quidditch match nobody wanted to miss. Including Professor Snape, Head of Slytherin House, who was sat among the other staff. He was watching his students with a smirk as they were in the lead. Scoring goal after goal.

“Severus,” Severus looked up to see Lucius arriving at the stand. His blond hair in a loose, low ponytail.  
“Lucius,” he replied with a nod, “here to watch your boy’s first game?” Lucius sneered a smile and he seemed puffed up with pride. _Not an unusual sight, when it comes to old Lucius._  
“Well, one must make sure he does not embarrass the family name.” Severus nodded, understanding yet not agreeing in the slightest. _Again, you do not surprise with your ways Lucius._

Lucius sat with a flare of his thick coat and Severus’ breath caught. Not at old Lucius’ movements, but at what is exposed. Behind the man stood the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. Truly beautiful.

A young woman, possibly in her early twenties. Platinum blond hair, grey eyes, pale skin, tight features. She was clad in a fitted coat in black and dark green with thick fur around the wrists and neck. She was, simply put, gorgeous. He was mesmerized. He, whom many believed had no feelings, was sitting with a pounding heart and warm sensation under his skin.

“Severus, I believe you haven’t met my niece?” Severus shook his head slowly as the young woman looked straight into his eyes. He felt, for a moment, as though she could see right through him. The feeling was, uncomfortable.  
“Well, don’t be rude girl, introduce yourself.”

Lucius glared at the young woman and Severus had to hold back so as not to curse at him for speaking so harshly. Why, he was unsure of, as it had never bothered him before.  
“Arabella Malfoy,” she spoke with a high pitched, yet singsonged voice not quite befitting her darker look but pleasurable, “pleasure to meet you, Mr Snape,” she continued with a slight nod.  
“And you, Ms Malfoy.”

Arabella sat down next to Lucius at the exact moment Slytherin scored yet another 10 points. The stands erupted with cheer yet the dark professor himself, suddenly, had no interest in the game. His eyes wandered discreetly towards his left, an odd feeling of almost nausea had erupted in his stomach yet he could not look away from her profile.

He found it a tad disturbing, truth be told. He had felt similar things in life before, of course, yet this was both the same and something completely foreign to him. His back had stiffened slightly, his hands a little more stuck to his thighs, not that it was noticeable from the outside.

Severus tried harder to focus on the game - an impossible task apparently. The stands erupted in excitement once more as the Snitch had been sighted by the seekers. Lucius stood up as Draco set of and Severus got a clear view of the grey eyes that suddenly stared directly at him.

His breath caught again. His lungs were too stiff to expand. She smiled, ever so slightly, and at that moment he fell helplessly down the deep black hole he had been desperate to stay out of for many years. His heart wrenched and pounded, it beat faster and he forced himself to look away before he did something outstandingly ludicrous.

 **Two hours** later he found himself walking towards his own office with Lucius, Draco and Arabella following behind - in that order. He was highly aware, too aware, of her presence. Despite her walking last and not making a sound as Lucius reprimanded Draco for losing to the Potter-boy he still felt her presence like no other.

He had, in fact, felt it every second of the game. The strength it had taken him to not constantly look at her was close to ridiculous. _Who am I trying to fool, this IS ridiculous._ The thought was harsh yet he felt it was true. He was no beauty, no handsome young man who girls or women took a second glance at - at least not for that reason. Second glances he got plenty, nervous ones, or even frightened ones. But not ones of lust or appreciation. Not that it had ever bothered him. It was, after all, part of his role.

The door to his office swung open and Severus stepped in. The dark office felt cool and he welcomed it.  
“Arabella, wait in Severus’ office, I need to deal with this-this boy,” Lucius bit out in the corridor.  
“Yes uncle,” Arabella replied and Severus’ stomach sank. She stepped in and Lucius grabbed Dracos neck collar before starting a harsh rant about his failure as a seeker. Poor Draco made himself smaller and lowered his head.

The office door swung shut, but not by Severus’ command. No, it was Arabella who had closed it.  
“He can yell in private, don’t you think Mr Snape?” She had spoken softly, yet with a small tinge of playfulness in the light voice. Severus nodded, slowly. He watched her move around in the office, her heels clicked and the fabric of her clothes ruffled. Like a low humming. A soft sound.

“So, Mr Snape, do you often stare at people?” Severus stiffened once more. Had he been prone to blushing he probably would have done just that at that moment. Yet all he did was to avert his eyes and busy himself with taking off and hanging his coat.  
“Pardon?” he said in his low, gruff voice.  
“Mr Snape, don’t play coy with me,” she reprimanded. He was forced to bite his lip so as not to scold her for the way she spoke to him. Still being very much in the professor role seeing as they were in his office, at Hogwarts.  
“No, I do not stare,” he answered with a clipped voice while stepping in front of his desk.

She giggled, she actually giggled at his words. A sweet smile of confidence was flashed, yet her cheeks turned a slight pink shade. She was now the one averting her eyes. Severus tilted his head, frustrated by the weird feelings bombarding him on the inside. The warmth, the pounding, the wondering, the aching. But now he saw something else in her that he had not seen earlier. She was nervous. Her shorter breathe’s, her slightly flushed skin and the need to move about in his office. _Yes, all signs of being nervous, how … sweet._

Well, it wasn’t exactly a strange phenomenon. Most people were nervous around him. Yet this was different. Not a scared nervous, it was something else entirely. She was something else entirely. He found himself fascinated, truth be told.

“So am I the exception, Mr Snape?” He followed her as she walked around the room. Her steps precis, her form gracious. Signs of harsh upbringings and rigorous training. Oh yes, he could tell those little signs. Opening her coat she glanced hastily at him for a mere second.  
“Perhaps,” he said with a stoic expression. She giggled again, _maybe it is one of her tells of being nervous?_

“Do you mind?”  
“Not at all,” he answered in a hum as she took off her coat and hung it next to his own. Revealing her slightly curvy body clad in a deep green satin dress reaching to the floor. The neckline plunging, revealing more of her pale skin - now with a rosy tinge. Severus’ eyebrow raised and she bit her lip. Obviously aware of his watchful eyes. But she wasn’t shying away. _Strange…_

His heart pounded inside his chest. His clothes seemed too constricting. She was a magnificent sight. _Resist. Foolish nonsense. She’s too young. Too beautiful. You’re not, worthy of that._  
“Ms Malfoy,” he said, stepping back until his thighs hit the edge of the desk, “I-” But he found no words to speak at that moment. He was, in fact, speechless. That never happened.

She stepped closer, slowly. Her eyes twinkled and her skin took on an even darker shade of red.  
“Yes, Mr Snape?” She was a mere two steps from him, within arms reach. His hands clutched each other in front of him so as to not do anything reckless. Like grabbing her or reaching out to feel what looked like velvet smooth skin.

“What, are you doing?” he asked in a low huff as her eyes travelled from his hands, up along the many buttons of his frock coat, all the way to his eyes while she was mindlessly biting her lip. He could not help but notice it as it made him ache in places not suitable. Not in the presence of such a young woman. _Resist this foolishness! Her beauty is not for you to enjoy, however badly you want to…_

“I think,” Arabella said, “the question is what are you thinking Mr Snape, not what I am doing.” Severus swallowed, could she read his thoughts? _No, impossible. Not even the Dark Lord can do that._ He abandoned the thought. Had he perhaps not been as stoic as he thought?  
“I don’t know what you’re-” The door opened with a small bang, it made Arabella jump and Severus himself to turn his head so abruptly his thick black hair swung around his face.

Lucius stepped in. He effectively broke the tension as the focus shifted. The energy of the room changed, but old Lucius didn’t seem to notice he had in fact interrupted something. Severus had no idea what exactly that something was, but it was something.  
“We’re leaving. Put your coat on, girl!” Lucius’ voice was rough and harsh, Snape nearly balled his fists.

Usually, he did not mind the tone, not in the slightest. But with the young woman named Arabella, he minded. Oh yes, he minded very much. But he had no time to move before Arabella had abandoned her spot in front of him and put her coat on. Lucius had given Severus a curt nod within a mere moment.  
“Goodbye, Mr Snape,” she said with a sweet yet somewhat sad smile. His eyes lingered on hers, he couldn’t help but reach out a hand towards her, ever so slightly. Barely noticeable.

“Ms Malfoy,” he hummed. She smiled wider, his lips twitched into a tight smile.  
“Perhaps we’ll meet again, Mr Snape. One day,” she said with a gentle voice and then turned. She followed Lucius, Severus just stood there. Locked, frozen. As if someone had put a petrification curse upon him. For the first time in many years, he felt a need to speak out - yet no words came.

The door was slowly shut, and she was blocked from his sight. But, somehow he knew that she would come to be of vital importance to him. After all, she already was… 


	2. Don't Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Setting:** Malfoy Manor, New Year’s Eve celebration  
>  **POV:** Third limited, Snape tilt.

* * *

**Severus arrived** half an hour late. His strides were as long as usual and his black cloak billowed around him as he moved through the entrance, towards the massive staircase leading to the upper levels of Malfoy Manor. It had been nearly three months since he met anyone, apart from Draco, from the Malfoy family and usually, he would have preferred it that way. 

Not now. Not anymore. 

He arrived at the ballroom filled with voices and music of the classical type with a dark twist. His eyes scanned the room, scanned the faces and his heart sunk. He crashed and burned yet all that revealed his disappointment outwards was a slight slump to his shoulders. Barely noticeable. 

“Ah, Severus,” Lucius strode over; a few men dressed in varying darkly coloured suits left behind to finish the conversation. Severus gave a curt nod as Lucius grabbed a glass of red wine from a passing house elf in despicable rags. 

“You’re late,” he said in that high tone of his, “trouble?” Severus nearly gave him a tight smile that screamed none of your business. He was not about to spill the fact that he had pondered arriving at all the last five hours; just to eventually arriving at the conclusion that he wanted to see her once more. If only for a second. If only to bury the restlessness; the foolish thoughts. 

“I am merely late, Lucius,” he drawled, “I have other things that require my attention. As you know,” he continued and Lucius seemed to want to question further about the reason of Severus late arrival but the cold glare of Severus harsh eyes seemed enough to discourage him.  
“Well come, enjoy yourself,” Lucius said and gave a slow nod before returning to the men in dark coloured suits a few steps away. 

Severus swept with his eyes around the room again, he took a crystal tumbler of whiskey infused with oakwood smoke from a passing house elf and swirled the content softly before sniffing it and then took a gulp. The liquid burned its way down his throat and it felt good. He stepped away from the entrance, headed towards the bar and balcony doors at the other end of the giant room. 

_She’s not here, not here after all._ The thought was harsh yet felt like the final thing. Like an end and perhaps a beginning fo something. He raised his second tumbler of whiskey, this one with a hint of ash and cherry, to his mouth for another swallow. He nearly choked on the liquid. 

The doors had opened and she had stepped in; accompanied by some young brute with blond hair wearing a moss green suit. But he did not spare him more than a glance as she was commanding his attention so intensely. Her simple black dress hugged her curves, her hair was half up, half down. Blood red rubies hung from her earlobes and around her neck. They shimmered against her pale skin and he was mesmerized once again. 

She, Arabella Malfoy, was truly the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. His blood heated, something slithered and fluttered in him as his eyes wandered from the top of her platinum blond her all the way down to the black, studded heels. Her long, naked legs were never-ending and her hips swayed heavenly, or in a hellish way, as she walked into the room. 

The man that accompanied her gave a swift kiss to her cheek before he left her in the care of Lucius. Something heated and burned in him at the sight. He had to clench the tumbler so as to not reach for his wand and end the miserable life form right then and there for touching her flawless skin with his filthy mouth. 

Yes, he knew him now that he spared him more than a single glance in bypass. _Rovius Dox, keep your filthy existence away from her. You slithering beast._ Images of crying women, a wicked smile with bloodstained lips and eyes without empathy or remorse invaded Severus’s mind as Rovius Dox walked around the room; greetings were given and taken here and there. But Severus never greeted the man. Severus found him, well, intolerable and despicable. 

He was as mad as Bellatrix, as well breed as they came and as wicked as the Bloody Baron had been in his life - perhaps even worse than the murdering man of love. Rovius Dox was quite frankly a man not to deal lightly with, not that Severus feared the man - he was still just a youngling, but any woman he fancied usually ended up crawling away in tattered clothes with bruised and battered skin. 

The thought of those filthy hands and lips touching Arabella made his blood roar with fury. It boiled and burned in his body as his hands wanted to snake against his wand to end the man. Yet he did not. He stood still and watched. Watched her. Constantly.

**Time went** by. She danced with varying men, chatted with different women, played with a cat, drank some wine, laughed with Narcissa, smiled at Rovius. Severus kept his mouth shut, not even the tumbler of whiskey reached his mouth as the hours passed and he remained in the shadows at the outskirts of the room. Nearly hidden away from all the people in the room.

He studied her. Well, looked at her intently was probably a more correct way of saying it. It took all his strength not o go up to her, grab her, haul her away from all others. He kept his feet rooted and his back stiff, as to not give in tot he temptation. _After all, I merely wanted to see her again._ His thought felt dark and lonely and he finally drained the remains of the damn whiskey. 

When he lowered the tumbler from his lips his heart skipped a beat. She had spotted him as the crystal had gleamed in the candlelight from a candelabra not far away from his comforting shadows. He stood frozen, absolutely still as she gazed at him with unflinching eyes. After a moment he nodded; ever so slowly and a smile spread out across her lush lips that were painted crimson red with lipstick. 

His eyes did not leave the sight of her as she folded away her own gaze. She walked slowly through the room as he counted each step as a heartbeat. She passed over the dancing floor, passed men and women, swiftly avoided conversations and offers of dances. Her eyes did not meet his again; she simply opened the balcony doors and he followed. As silent and swift as a lurking shadow. 

**She bathed** in moonlight. It made her pale skin shine, the black velvet of her dress shimmered and the red rubies glistened. She stood by the railing of stone, her hands folded one above the other as they rested there as still as fallen snow on chilled ground. He closed the doors behind them and silence fell. Heavy and think. 

His heart pounded and he felt foolish, silly even. But had he not waited for nearly three months to lay eyes upon her again? Had he not writhed in agony for not seeing that pale skin up close again? And, had he not, dreamt of those grey eyes every other night as they peered through him as if he were made of glass? He had. There was no denying it. 

“Don’t play coy, Mr Snape,” she said in that singsong voice of her’s as she turned her head halfway so he could see her profile. He stiffened. Swallowed; ever so slowly. Something twisted in him as her lips perked up in a smile. Told him she knew the effect she had on him.  
“My apologies,” he said with a gruff voice as he took two steps closer to her. But he dared not take a third. He dared not be within reaching of her. Dared not be close enough to stroke her bare arm or push down the spaghetti straps that held the tight fabric up. 

“You were hiding?” Her voice was low yet clear and he averted his gaze for a moment as she looked forward again. He wanted to reach out and stroke that soft hair that swayed in the breeze.  
“No,” he said darkly, “merely observing,” he continued. She chuckled and it vibrated through him like thunder. Made his blood boil and heat spread in the most indecent areas of his body.  
“Liar,” she said in a harsh tone that still felt as if she caressed his ears with tenderness. 

“I am not one to socialize,” he said and allowed his gaze to land upon her yet again. She turned towards him, standing in profile yet her face fully towards him. She was framed by moonlight and the wide landscaped garden behind her that gave way to forests and hills.  
“I’m aware, there’s been so many damn parties, so many gatherings and boring dinners that I’ve lost track. You never came,” her voice went from singsong light to softly cold. But her gaze held his and he could not for the life of him avert his eyes as she spellbound him in a non-magical sense. 

Severus tilted his head slightly as she bit her bottom lip; as if she held back words that were on the tip of her, no doubt, delicate tongue. Had she, perhaps, wanted to see him again too? Was that even a possibility? He did not know and dared not dwell on the dark thought for too long.

“I waited you know,” she continued after letting her lip spring free, “I waited and hoped. You never came,” she breathed out, he took that third step towards her without thinking. His body moved of its own accord to be closer to that beautiful creature that captivated his cold heart with a raging fire.  
“Your reason?” His voice was a low growl as uncertainty travelled through his stiff body. 

She raised her brows in surprise and then her face softened.  
“Why, you ask?” He nodded. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. Had anybody else done that he would have snarled at them but not when she did it.  
“I thought that was obvious? What we felt. Oh don’t look so shocked, I know you felt it too!” She took a step towards him and he stood so still, so so very still. She leaned towards him, close to his hight in those ridiculously high heels that he could not resist thinking about; along with her legs wrapped around him. 

“I know you felt it,” she hissed as her cheeks glowed red, “I know you did. Don’t lie about it. Don’t hide it,” she kept going as he looked at her. Saw her skin take on a rosy tinge and it occurred to him, her skin had not varied in shade all through the evening. Not when complemented. Not when dancing with handsome and not so handsome men. Not when women praised her figure, her hair or dress. Not once had she blushed. Not once had she done anything other than simply smile. 

“You are blushing, Arabella,” Severus said in that hoarsely rough voice he never used. He ha used her given name without thinking as he had done so many times in his mind the past month. Her eyes widened and she leaned back as she looked away to the side. Her hands fisted by her sides. 

“Well I’m so damn sorry for what you do to me then,” she snarled and it made his lips tug upwards in a small smile. Why? He had no idea but something satisfied him about her behaviour at that moment. Perhaps it was simply the fact that she behaved differently from how she had been the past hours in the ballroom. 

“You never blush,” he continued and she softened with a sigh. As if she realized that he had indeed been watching her ever so carefully.  
“No, I don’t,” she whispered, “only, only for you…” The words made him shiver and his knees grew a tad weak. But he kept still, rooted tot eh spot as he grappled after any strength he could find to keep his hands at bay by his sides so as to not reach out and touch her. But it made no difference as he craved to feel her desperately. Like a burning man craved water, a drowning man crave air, a freezing man craved heat.

“I do not socialize, or celebrate trivial things like a new year,” Severus said hoarsely as he reached out his hand towards her chin to still that raging need to feel her in some way, “but I came here, for you.” He turned her face towards his own. His cold fingers against her warm chin. Their eyes met and he could not help but burn for her. Burn, freeze, drown - all for her.  
“For, me?” He nodded and she blushed deeper. The wind tossed her hair about and goosebumps covered her fair skin. It made him uncomfortable to see her so unprotected. 

“Are you cold?” She shrugged her shoulders slightly and he sighed.  
“Here,” he said as he shed his large cloak and swung it around her like a black cloud. It swallowed her up like night swallows day. She hugged the fabric to her and he noticed her smelling the shoulder of it. It made him stiffen, worried.  
“Smells like you,” she whispered softly, so soft was her voice that he barely heard her.  
“Apologies,” he muttered and she chuckled.  
“Don’t, it’s the greatest smell… I want to curl up in it,” she mused and stroked the fabric that buried her little arms as she closed her eyes on a sigh. If he could have sprouted wings he would have taken to the skies to quench the tremors in him from her loving words. 

Something pushed him, pressed him, poked at him and shoved. He was itching to grab her, to hold her. Feel her close, oh so close.  
“Arabella,” she looked up, “may, may I hold you?” The question was packed with insecurity and fear. His voice was not that of his own and he hated it. But with her all things were different. And that, he loved. She smiled sweetly and nodded slowly. His chest heaved and in the next moment, he cradled her to him. Felt how something exploded, something else imploded and something else went utterly still. It was a raging storm of emotions, feelings and sensations that nearly made him physically sway from the impact. 

He leaned his head against the side of her’s as his arms wrapped tightly around her lush body. She shivered and he sighed. _So this is what you feel like, to hold…_  
“Severus?” His breath caught as that was the first time she had uttered his given name; like fuel to the raging storm inside him, it made him tremble ever so slightly. It sounded otherworldly as it came from her.  
“Yes?”  
“Don’t let go,” she hummed and he hugged her tighter. Held her closer. Pressed her to himself as if life depended on it while that storm raged in his chest; a storm of thunder and lightning as burning as dragonfire. As he struggled to stay in reality and not cave to the fantasy that allowed him to be with her like this to the end of time. 


	3. First Light Of Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Setting:** Malfoy Manor, New Year’s Eve Celebration -> Hogwarts -> Spinners End  
>  **POV:** Third limited, Snape tilt.

* * *

**The end** of time seemed to arrive swiftly. Too swiftly. Arabella leaned away from him and her hand gently got folded within his as he wished for nothing to be close to her. Her bright eyes gleamed at him with a reflection of the shining moon.

“Arabella, I-” but words eluded him as she was breathtaking and Severus struggled with words worthy of her. Words he could speak most gently and endearingly to her were not so easily found.  
“Yes?” she prompted and the corner of his lips tugged slightly in a tiny smile.  
“You are most beautiful,” he said with that rumbling voice of his, “sweet and gentle,” he continued and she giggled.

Severus arched his brow at the giggling beauty.  
“I may be many things, Severus, gentle is however not one of my qualities.” Her left hand rose to her mouth to stiffen the giggle. As she did so a ring caught his attention. It looked misplaced and in all ways wrong on her delicate hand.

The ring was bold and the ruby too big for its band. The many little diamonds covering the golden band made it look as out of place on her as if it were placed on the head of a pixie as a crown. Arabella noticed his disapproval of the jewelry and something about her changed. Noticeably so.

“You do not approve I take it?” Arabella said and her voice seemed stiffer than he had ever heard it.  
“I do not, no.”  
“Well, you’re not wrong,” she said as she looked at her hand with a harsh sigh, “I don’t really fancy it, nore do I enjoy seeing it on my finger. I don’t really like it all. Or what it stands for,” she stated and it puzzled him. He looked at the ring and then at her.

His blood kept heating by her proximity and had it not been for the possibility of getting caught he would have ventured to kiss her. Yet he held the yearning at bay as her words had caught his attention.  
“Do tell,” he murmured in a thunderingly low voice. At that, she looked up at him, somewhat hesitantly and the feeling felt misplaced in her. HE did not see her as hesitant or unsure, the very opposite actually.

“I’m to be married,” she stated flatly. His heart nearly stopped at those words. As if the world stood still, frozen in its rotation. He could not quite understand what she was saying.  
“I’m sorry?”  
“Married, I am to be married, Severus.” This time he heard her perfectly as his heart silently broke and crumbled in his chest that in an instant felt as empty and cold as it had before she had entered his life that day on the quidditch pitch.

He took a step back, involuntarily, and the pain in his chest intensified at the loss of contact with her.  
“Severus, I-”  
“Married? You are engaged, to be married?” She nodded and he stiffened, hardened. His posture became rigid, his eyes cooled to ice and it felt as all warmth left his physical body as cold stone overtook his mind and soul.

He could not for the life of him understand the situation. Usually, he was quick in thinking, impossibly fast in his reactions and utterly careful to show no emotion he did not choose to showcase for others. But at that moment, he was without words, without control, his emotions clearly visible and he had not the slightest chance at reeling them in while in her presence.

“You toyed with me,” he whispered in a growl. She shook her head profusely.  
“I did no such thing, Severus-”  
“You did. You are engaged, to be married yet here you stand. Clinging to me, overpowering me, engaging in my emotions.” His words were harsh, cold and lingered in the air as thunderclouds.  
“Severus, please I-”  
“You do not get to use my name, Miss Malfoy. You do not-”  
“I don’t love him!” she nearly screamed and it made Severus go utterly silent and still.

“Can’t you tell by this hideous thing?” She held up her hand and the disrespectful ring gleamed in the moonlight.  
“Can you not tell that this man does not know me? Can you not tell that I hate this? Can’t you see that I want to part in-”  
“Ah, there you are. I was starting to wonder my dear.”

Severus looked at Arabella as her eyes readjusted to the man entering the balcony. The man Severus not long ago wanted to end for simply kissing Arabella’s cheek.  
“Mr Dox,” she said with a slight courtesy towards him. To any other, it might have looked respectful and friendly, even as if she were pleased to see the revolting man that was walking towards them.

He saw it was not. The shine in her eyes was gone. The softness to her stature had perished and she looked cold. Nothing like the woman he knew her to be. Nothing like the woman she was in only his presence.  
“Mr. Snape,” Mr. Dox said and Severus turned towards the man with the smallest of nods.  
“Pleasure to see you here, I was afraid somebody might have run off with my beautiful girl,” he snickered with a snake-like grin.

Severus merely contained his fury at the man. At the engagement. At it all.  
“Mr. Dox, you are to be married to this woman I hear?” Dox smiled widely and that harshness in his eyes lacked all comforts of humanity.  
“Indeed, I’m a very lucky man,” he said and stepped closer to Arabella as Severus stepped back a step. Dox was not a man to be taken lightly after all. Despite his young age.

“Arabella, my dear, come join me for a dance before the fireworks,” Dox said and it took everything within Severus not to lunge at the despicable excuse of a man.  
“Of course, Mr. Dox,” Arabella said flatly before looking at Severus, “I’ll see you later, Mr. Snape.” Severus bowed deep for her but Dox laughed loudly.  
“What could you possibly have to bother Mr. Snape with, dear?”  
“She does not bother me in the slightest,” Severus stated with a monotone voice that revealed none of his fury.

Dox smiled wickedly, “Mr. Snape, surely you have no interest in this girl? She’s of little importance and low stature, not to mention she’s low of age and merit. Beautiful, but that will fade,” Dox stated as his fingers graced Arabella’s cheek softly but with a domineering dominance.

The words the man described Arabella with made his blood boil. It took every ounce of his strength not to haul her away from him and end the miserable lifeform that stood by her.  
“You ought not to speak in such manners of your future wife, Mr. Dox,” Severus stated with such coldness it was a wonder his mouth didn’t freeze from them.  
“Come now Mr. Snape, women are for men to have and own. They are great distractions-”  
“If that is your view of women, Mr. Dox, I see no need for marriage. Especially with a woman such as Ms. Malfoy here,” he said with a nod towards Arabella and she seemed to soften as their eyes met for a moment.

“Well, that’s not for you to think about,” Dox said, “I mean, you have no interest in fleeting feelings like love or lust. I’ve never known you to be with a woman. Besides, you are a little old to admire such a beauty as this, are you not?”  
“And you are a little young to know of love and lust, Mr. Dox,” Severus countered harshly before giving Arabella a swift glance. He was searching for what she wished him to do - but there was nothing there to show him.

“Good one, Mr. Snape,” Dox laughed with a shake of his head, “well, as amusing as this is we should go back inside. Come now,” Dox said as he placed his arm around Arabella’s waist and steered her away before another word could be spoken. They closed the door behind them and left him alone with only the moon for company. Its white light looked as empty and cold as his chest felt.

 **He stood** utterly still, _have I lost her before I even ever had her? And to that, that vulture? He will break her…_ He thought as his shoulders sank and his stance loosened. It was nearly midnight and soon the fireworks would light up the dark sky with colour and sparkles. He wanted no part of it.

It took him a mere moment to decide. He would leave. He would leave and never see her ever again. That was the only option. He could not trust himself with her. He could not trust himself around Dox. He could lest of all trust himself around Arabella with Dox by her side. So to leave was the only option. Dox had nothing to do with Hogwarts and there was no danger of seeing either of them at the school or his own home.

He would keep to those places for the time being. Until he felt, dead or nothing at all. For what he felt now, was nothing but the purest of torture and agony. Hate and dread, fear and pain, longing and hurt. To be broken so utterly was perhaps irrevocable. Perhaps he would have to adjust to this new sense of being as a crushed man with nothing but fear for the one woman he had otherworldly feelings for.

Was this love? Was it really love when all that came with it was pain? He could not answer that as he had no idea how to deal with the only possible answer. To admit it would be the last attack, the last crack, the last fracture in him. If he admitted that love was only meant as pain for him in life he might as well end that life. And he could not, would not.

Something in him told him to hold on, that at some point things would be different or perhaps some time she would need him. And never would he leave the world if that ever was the case. How could he?

But for now, he would leave. He would go away and stay away. For as long as possible. _There is no other way,_ he thought as he took the stone stairs down from the balcony, crossed the lawn and stepped away from Malfoy Manor. Stepped away from Arabella. Stepped away from the hollow pain that only seemed to echo louder in his cold chest for every step that separated him from her, from his love.

 **Time passed** as Severus focused on work. He focused so hard that the days blurred together, the student’s face’s meant nothing and he rarely spoke a word outside of the classroom. He was not known for speaking, nor for remembering students but not a single person could have missed the change in him from before the Christmas break and after it.

January passed as he dulled the banging in his chest with planning his year’s work.  
February passed as he caged his feelings with late-night patrols.  
Mars passed while he buried himself in essays and homework corrections.  
April passed as he did all he could to not think of the marriage taking place.  
May passed as he shut down in all ways possible as he became more stone than human.  
June passed as he corrected end of term papers, essays, tests and graded students without ever knowing who he graded as hiss students by then were a mere mess of endless faces with no significant meaning.

When the school was empty and summer had arrived fully at the end of June he left Hogwarts. He arrived late afternoon at his own home and it was as dirty and empty as he remembered it. If anybody had asked him about the time at Hogwarts he could not have given them an answer even if he tried. He remembered barely anything from it and the exhaustion that filled him was as close to death as he had ever been physically.

He simply dumped the little bag he had with him in the hallway and stepped into the little house. Barely had he made it to the bedroom before he sat down on the side of the bed and felt the exhaustion overcome him in a way that he could not keep at bay. He fell backwards and closed his eyes; asleep before he took a second breath.

He slept until the sun had set for a second time. He felt numbly refreshed yet as tired as ever when he woke up in darkness. His back was stiff, his neck sore and he desperately needed a shower and change of clothes.

As he was sat by the kitchen table, dressed in black linen pants, a white shirt and black socks, he sipped a cup of black strong coffee. His home felt, for the first time, as a sanctuary. It was a place where he had no connection to her, to Arabella. She had never set foot in his home and despite the horrid memories of hurt the place held, that pain was nothing in comparison to the loss of her.

The darkness surrounded the world and he felt as if it suited the darkness within him perfectly. Before Arabella, he had never considered that his life could get worse. Or better either. But apparently, both things could happen. Unfortunately in the wrong damn order.  
“Perhaps, she’s happy…” he pondered as he drank the last of the coffee and set the cup in the sink to be cleaned later. The thought made him feel better and worse at the same time as it didn’t sit right. Her being happy with that vulture felt as wrong as it could. But he hoped he was incorrect. Hoped she was happy. Hopped everything was good with her. Hoped she had a good life; even if he had no part in it.

 **There was** a pounding at the door and Severus sighed deeply as he was in the middle of cooking dinner. the house was filled with the scent of spices and he had no intention of opening the door. Nobody had any business with him at this time or his home. He determined that it was most likely kids banging on all doors to rile up people. So e promptly ignored it as he kept stirring in the pot. 

The loud banging was heard again shortly after, it sounded more urgent and harsher so he slammed the lid on the pot and took off the white apron before throwing it over a chair. He would never let anyone see him in a fucking apron, that was sure as hellfire.

He hadn’t reached the door when someone tugged at the handle and banged again, even harder.  
“What in the-” He unlocked the door and pulled it open harshly as a small, pale hand hit his chest in a knocking motion. The person’s head was turned away and clad in a hood of darkest black. But he knew. He would have known anywhere who was hiding beneath the billowing fabric that swallowed her like a shadow.

“Arab-” he caught himself, “Mrs. Dox,” he corrected and he nearly died as her face turned toward him.  
“What did he-”  
“Please, let me in Mr. Snape, please I-” she cried and he grabbed her thin arm and yanked her into his hallway before the door was slammed shut with a loud bang that made Arabella jump slightly.

He was furious, absolutely enraged by the mere sight of her. She was thin, too thin. Her beautiful face marred and marked by bruises in varying shades of purple and green. Old and new bruises. He was outraged beyond compare with any other feelings he had ever felt related to anger. He was literally shaking, his hands flexed as they hang by his sides. His heart pounded as if he had run hundreds of miles.

“I’m going to kill him.” The words vibrated out of him and hung in the air with promise. The only other sound was Arabella’s hushed crying.  
“Arabella, I will end him for this,” he said and it was as if all the time she had been away from him came crashing back in his memory.

When he had graded essays, had she been beaten?  
When he went on nightly patrols, had she been crying?  
When he held lectures on potions, had she been abused?  
When he had suffered from the loss of her, had she suffered from the loss of safety and freedom?

He could not think straight, could not grasp how badly the man had treated her. He could not stop blaming himself for it either. He had known, from the beginning, what kind of man Dox was. How he treated women. And the way he had spoken of Arabella that night on the balcony had irreversibly shown that he harboured the same feelings towards her. Meaning none.

“Mr.- Mr. Snape,” Arabella pleaded and his eyes found hers. They were empty and there was a clear loss of the joy that had lingered so openly there before.  
“I think…” she mumbled feebly and her face turned ashen as her knees buckled. He caught her before she fell to the floor. Her breaths were shallow and short, she felt too light in his arms. _What has he done to you…_ The thought echoed as he carried her up the stairs and placed her on his own bed, gently.

The hood fell back and revealed her tightly skinned face as her cheekbones, jaw and temples were to defined along with her collarbones the protruded harshly. He caressed her cheek softly with his cold hands and felt tears prick in his eyes. He felt as if he had done this to her, in some way, he was responsible. It burdened him more than he could bear.

He placed a blanket atop her before he closed the door and left her to rest alone - despite wanting to be as close as possible it felt wrong in her unresponsive and unaware state. So he went down to the kitchen again and busied himself with the rest of the cooking.

He had just finished setting the table as a scream was heard from upstairs. His heart skipped a beat and he dashed towards his bedroom while calling Arabella’s name. He found her pressed against the furthest wall in the room with fearful eyes and panting breaths.

Severus stepped into the room and she found him with her large eyes.  
“S-severus-” she breathed and in an instant, they met in the middle of the room. He buried her in his arms as she sobbed into his chest with mumblings of his name, over and over. She cried and held on to him as if her life depended on it. He held her tightly and let her cry as much as she needed no matter how badly it made him hurt to see her in such a way.

After a minute he kissed the top of her head, her platinum blond hair tattered and unwashed.  
“He-, he wanted me to-, to make an unbreakable vow,” she mumbled between sniffles. He stiffened around her.  
“I, I didn’t know where to go. I, I ran away, I-” she said as she was shaking violently in his embrace and he hushed her. Tried to calm her as best he could.

“What unbreakable vow?” he asked after a moment. She sniffled again.  
“To be with none other,” she whispered as if the words were strangling her.  
“And you ran?”  
“Yes, I, I can’t be with him, I don’t want to be with him…” Severus felt both hope and dread, pain and joy at the same time. The feelings were very much at war within him.

He was at a loss for words. What could he say? What could he do? What he wanted to say was of no use, what he wanted to do was abhorrent to do in her current situation at that moment. So he just held her. Closely.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” she whispered on a shaky breath.  
“You are always welcome here, Arabella,” he murmured with that husky voice that vibrated through him. He felt as though she smiled for a moment, but dismissed the thought. The words of Mr. Dox clung in his mind no matter how hard he tried to banish them. He was too old. He was not good enough for such a beauty as Arabella.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, despite not wanting her to break away from him.  
“Very,” she said, “something smells wonderful,” she continued and looked up at him. He felt both joy and pure fury at that moment. As she saw the latter emotion she looked away. He took her chin in his cold hand and steered her face back to his.

“You are beautiful,” he said, as softly as he could. She just blinked at him.  
“But you do need to eat,” he continued, “and never be within reach of him again.” Severus studied the blackened eye, the broken lip and bruised jaw as rage boiled in him.  
“I’m sorry-”  
“It is not your fault,” he said before she could finish whatever nonsense apology she endeavoured to disclose. She had nothing to apologies for.

“Come, let’s eat.” She tilted her head and looked with a puzzled look at him.  
“What is the matter?”  
“You cook?” she asked in disbelief. He simply arched a brow.  
“Well, do you?” she pressed again.  
“I cook, I cook very well I would say. It’s much like potions and I would say I am rather accomplished in that field,” he said matter of factly as he offered her his arm.  
“So, shall we?” she nodded and took his arm.

“You weren’t lying,” she mumbled between bites, “you do cook very well,” she continued as she cleared a second plate of the food.  
“Thank you,” Severus said as he placed his cutlery on the empty plate. He studied her for a moment as she gulped down food as if she were truly starving. _Has she been starving?_ The thought felt strange as she seemed to love food and Dox had no shortage of money so food should have been provided for her.

As Severus cleared the table and did the dishes with help of magic she sipped a cup of green tea. The silence felt oddly good but he missed hearing her joyfully playfully voice. He had not heard it in many months now. Not since the balcony.

They were seated in the living room, he in his chair and her on the small couch. They had been silent for a long time, Severus had heated the living room with a pleasant fire and it was now a comfortable temperature but Arabella seemed a bit bothered and her cheeks had a bit of colour to them.

“Severus?”  
“Yes?”  
“May, can I use your shower?” she said as her eyes seemed fixed on the tattered rug by his feet.  
“Of course,” he said and rose from the chair, “this way.” She followed as he led her to the first floor and the door opposite of the bedroom.  
“Here, there are towels in the cabinet, let the water run for a moment before you step in. It’s usually cold for a moment,” he said and she nodded. He left her to take a shower and returned to the living room and sipped on a fresh cup of tea.

The pipes rustled for a while and then went silent. The door opened, another door opened, a slight ruckus and then a door closed, softly padding feet was heard and the bathroom door closed again with its distinctive squeak of the top hinge. _What is she doing?_

He went back to his reading and tea as he waited, and waited, and waited. When he finally heard the bathroom door open and the padding of soft feet down the stairs he straightened, put away his book and looked towards the door opening.

His breath caught in his throat as she stepped in. He stared at her. Dumbfounded.  
“Sorry, I hope it’s okay?” She said and pulled a little on one of the hems of his white shirt. She was drowned in the fabric. Her legs bare and the shirt reached almost to her knees. Further down was a pair of his black socks, so big that they just bulged around her ankles. She looked as beautiful as he had ever seen her and he was in awe of the emotions that raged within him.

“Severus? Is, is it okay?”  
“Yes, yes it is,” he said and rose from the chair to walk over to her. He just wanted to hold her. And she walked straight into his arms, no hesitation or restriction. He held her close and she smelled of his shampoo and soap. The scent mingled with her own and it felt heavenly for him.

“Can I stay?” she asked while her cheek rested against his chest.  
“Yes,” he simply said. He would never turn her away. Never. That feeling he had had so many months ago blossomed; she had needed him after all. Had he not stayed in the land of the living she would have not had him to turn to at that moment and it gave him great joy that he could, after all, be of some use to his love.

 **She laid** in his bed, he had given her the main bedroom despite her trying to refuse. He could not sleep down the hall when she was so close. He stood in the doorway and looked at her. Moonlight danced over the naked skin of her shoulder where the bruises of a man’s hand stood out in purple shades against her pale skin.

He fisted his hands as he crossed his arms over his chest. What could he do about Dox? What could he do for Arabella? What should he do? What should he not do? What was possible? What was impossible? He tried to sort it all out but his mind kept strolling off to her. The need to hold her close made his skin crawl with want.

“Are you just going to stare at me or come over?” The soft yet high-pitched voice sang out the words and he had no time to think before he walked over.  
“Come, sleep here,” she said and opened the cover to reveal her body clad in one of his nightshirts. He crawled in, fully clad. She snuggled closer and he felt oddly content. Despite the situation and circumstances of her being with him.

He couldn’t remember falling asleep but he woke up from Arabella’s voice. She was softly and silently singing. A lullaby if he were not mistaken. Her fingers stroked his hair and cheek as he stayed still with his eyes closed. She sang of love and adoration, of soft meadows and singing stars, of dancing rain and flying clouds.

It wasn’t until she went quiet that he wanted to open his eyes to look at her. But right as he was about to do so, a sob escaped her. Yet she kept stroking his hair and he could not bear the thought of disturbing her in her sorrow.

“You never replied to my letters… You never came to the wedding… You never came. You never answered.” Severus stiffened as she spoke of him, to him.  
“I love you, and you never came. I waited, but you never came,” she whispered with shaky breaths and he cursed himself.  
“I wrote to you, I asked you to help… I asked you to save me. Help me,” she whispered as her hand stopped stroking his hair and cheek. He missed the touch instantly.

He had never opened the letters. He had never looked twice at them. Had had simply tossed them in the fire as his chest felt tight with cold and empty from that hollow feeling she had left him with at the balcony. _Foolish, I was so foolish… Selfish._ At that thought of a word, she kissed his temple so softly and he could not find the strength to open his eyes and face her allegations.

 **He woke** up in an empty and cold bed. He looked around as he jerked upright.  
“Arabella?” he called with gravelly morning voice, no reply. He left the bed instantly.  
“Arabella?” he called again as he stepped out of the bedroom. Again, no replay.  
“Arabella?” he called louder as he took the stairs in fluent strides.  
“In here, Severus!” she called and he steered towards the kitchen as he could smell coffee brewing and something burning.

The kitchen was nearly half-filled with smoke as he entered and Arabella seemed to try and air it out with an open window.  
“What, do tell, are you doing with my kitchen?” he asked with amused severity. She sighed and her cheeks turned a little red.  
“I was trying to make breakfast…” He arched a brow and loomed into the kitchen.

Indeed, it seemed as if she had been trying to make pancakes. He gave the burnt batter a sneer and shook his head.  
“Sit,” he said and tossed the whole pan in the sink to be dealt with at a later time. He twirled his wand and created a gust of wind that cleared the smoke out through the window. Arabella sat with a cup of coffee with some milk in it. Severus poured a cup for himself; black. As he sipped it he easily made a new batter and fried some pancakes with ease.

He served the pancakes and caught Arabella smiling fondly at him.  
“You look good in the kitchen,” she said with a wide smile. He scoffed and sat opposite her with his coffee cup.  
“Truly, you do. I’d like to see you cook every day,” Arabella said and moved a pancake to her plate.  
“Do you?”  
“I do,” she answered, “I can’t cook worth shi- Umh, at all,” she corrected herself and Severus laughed. Yes, he laughed, for the first time in a very long time.

“I love that sound.” Severus went quiet immediately as her eyes found his. He disliked his own laugh but it made her eyes twinkle, so perhaps it was not so bad a laugh?  
“Well, I believe I do not want you in my kitchen after this so feel free to leave that cooking to me,” Severus said softly as he moved a pancake to his own plate.  
“Does that mean I can stay? With you?”

It took a moment for him to answer her as his thought were at war yet again.  
“Do you want to be with me?” he asked, “I’m an old man, Arabella, and-” She smacked his shoulder.  
“Severus, please, you know of my feelings and I know you feel the same damn way so don’t pretend. Just don’t,” she said with a harsh look at him.  
“Forgive me, but you married. You married and were not to be mine ever.” His words made her shrink as if he had physically hurt her.

“Did, did you not read my letters?” Severus stiffened, he had wanted to avoid that subject for all eternity if he had had the chance.  
“I, did not. No,” he said in a low growl.  
“If you had read them… You would have known that I was forced to marry him for the money he promised my family. For the step-up, he offered in society by just being connected with him. IF you had read the letters, you would have known what he was doing to me, what he forced me to be for him,” tears stung her eyes and she seemed so little and frail.

Severus looked at her.  
“Had I know, I would have come.” The words were stated clearly, “but I could not bear to read your letters, your words, when I had no hopes of being with you,” he said and guilt ate at him. He felt truly terrible.  
“It was selfish, I am aware of that-”  
“You were hurting,” Arabella interrupted and it took him off guard. Nobody ever validated his feelings or understood them. Or even acknowledged they existed.

“Do you have the letters?” He shook his head.  
“I burned them,” he said honestly and she looked both glad and sad at the same time.  
“Well, let’s leave that then,” she said and Severus nodded.  
“There is something else I-, I want to ask you about,” Arabella said.  
“You should eat, and then we can talk.” Arabella smiled tightly and shoved a piece of pancake in her mouth with a delightful humming.

She tried to talk a few times but Severus just arched his brow until the pancakes were gone and he was on his second cup of coffee.  
“Done,” Arabella declared with a content smile. Severus hummed and nodded.  
“What did you want to talk about?” He asked as he topped off their cups with more coffee.

It took a moment, a moment he spent just looking at the beauty that was Arabella - despite the thinness and the bruises. She was all he could have ever dreamt of, and she was sitting in his shirt in his kitchen sipping coffee from his cup - yet she was not his.  
“I want to run away,” Arabella said.  
“Run, away? You have?”  
“No, silly, I want to run away with you. Away from here and away from, him, and be with you.” Severus just stared at her, dumbfounded.

“Severus, I love you. You know this.”  
“I’m, just, shocked. I,” he said softly as his mind raced. She wanted to be with him? Wanted to run away with him? Leave her husband for him? Be his instead? Was that even possible?  
“Arabella, you do realize what you’re saying?”  
“Yes, I am saying that I love you beyond compare and I am asking, very selfishly, for you to help me and be with me because I love you.”  
“And I love you.” She smiled at his words.

“I know it’s sudden and selfish, Severus, but my feelings for you have not changed since the first time I met you.” Severus looked at her and soft warmth spread through that hollowness in his chest.  
“You, Arabella, are not selfish in any way.” He reached for her hand and she gently placed hers in his.  
“I love you, deeply. I’ve, I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you,” Severus said softly as his thumb stroked the ridge of her knuckles.  
“I may not have the best reputation, in romance, or other things. But, I do not want to destroy your reputation darling.”

She stared at him. Just stared. For a long moment and he became restless from her look.  
“You’re afraid to ruin my reputation?” Severus nodded. Arabella laughed.  
“Severus, I am Arabella Mal- Arabella Dox, married to Rovius Dox. I think my reputation is the least fo my worries.”  
“Still, I do not-”  
“Enough!” Arabella slammed her hands on the table as she stood up, “Enough Severus, what are you so afraid of? Why won’t you just fucking be with me?!” She glared at him and he looked at her.

“Do you not love me?”  
“I do.”  
“Do you not want me?”  
“I do.”  
“And do you, or do you not want to help me survive this shitstorm my family fucking forced me into?!”  
“I do…”  
“Then what, by Merlin, is your fucking problem?!”

Severus stared at her as she seemed to be ready to explode, or perhaps she was exploding?  
“Arrrgh! What is wrong with you?!” she screamed with her hands thrown up towards the heavens and Severus could not for the life of him figure out what he had done.  
“Well, that depends on who you ask,” he drawled as he slowly rose from his seat.  
“Well I am asking you what is wrong with you!” she screamed back and Severus took a step back.

Not for fear of her, but she seemed more intimidated by him as he rose to his full height.  
“Would you like me to sit down again?”  
“No, what, why?”  
“Well you, you shrunk and stepped back as I stood…” Arabella seemed offended by the thought but she smiled at the same time.  
“Arabella, how badly did he hurt you?”

His heart twisted at the view of her. She looked broken. From thunderstorm to softly falling rain on a dull day.  
“Darling, please,” he said as he took a slow step towards her, “tell me.” She looked at him as her arms hugged her own chest and tears started to fall.  
“I’m sorry, Severus, I’m so sorry. I, I’m not mad at you. I’m just-”  
“In pain,” he finished for her and she nodded. He reached for her and she stepped into his embrace.

“Let’s leave. We’ll go somewhere nobody will find you.” She looked up at him as he spoke and her smile, her smile broke every barrier and coldness that had built up.  
“Where do you want to go, Arabella?”  
“You mean anywhere?” Severus nodded and he felt her relax. As if he had relieved her of some sort of burden.  
“I want to go, where you will be.” Her answer made something in his stomach flutter and that boiling heat that roiled and coiled in his veins seared him violently.

“What, what do we do about Rovius?” she asked with a shaky voice and Severus stiffened ever so slightly.  
“He’s not to be taken lightly. You are aware of his connections and status. And I fear, he will use that to find you.”  
“I know, he’s, he’s not a man that lets things go. Ever,” she whispered and her thin arms shook as she clung to him.  
“I won’t let him have you.” The words were as clear as the first light of dawn on a winter morning after the darkest of nights.

He would live by them forever. He would live by her side, for her and with her for as long as she allowed him to be. If the day came, when she did not want him any longer, he knew he would be ruined and ended at that moment. But for the time being, he allowed hope to enter his heart and love to fill the empty void she had once left him with.


	4. Abhorrent Animal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Setting:** London -> Rome  
>  **POV:** Third limited, Snape tilt.

****

* * *

**After a** short stop in London at a small motel, where Severus went out to buy two sets of clothes for Arabella, they headed off to Rome. Now, you may think Severus had never been to such a place as Rome - or anywhere else for that matter - but he was, in fact, a quite well-travelled man. All the world held ingredients for potions and he was not aversed to some travelling to acquire them.

They had set up in a small apartment in a quaint little area at the outskirts of Rome. The people were friendly, the food was excellent, the architecture stunning and the weather… Well, the weather was a slight problem for him. The heat, the fucking heat was killing the poor man.

But Arabella revelled in it. Sundresses, shorts, skirts, crop tops, blouses and sandals. She wore it all and looked absolutely stunning as the bruises had healed, her body was filling out again, her hair shined and her sunkissed skin was flecked with little freckles. She was the picture of joy, again. As she had been when he met her.

Or, actually, no, she was more joy now than ever. A constant smile on her lips, that high pitched singsong voice always lulling on some tune, her body near always in a swaying motion and she seemed as perfect as a sunrise over the horizon of the Mediterranean sea.

He was enthralled by her. She occupied nearly all his thoughts and dreams. It had been such a long time since he had nightmares now that he was more rested than he could ever remember. It was strange, a strange feeling to actually wake up in the morning and be rested.

**“Honey,” Arabella** called as she stepped into the little apartment as dusk settled and made the white walls shine in golden light and the second-hand furniture looked perfect for the place. Severus smiled at hearing her voice.  
“Here,” he called back from the living room just two steps from the entrance.

“Look,” she said with excitement and held up a basket of groceries and on the top were parmesan and mozzarella cheeses resting. She looked happy as could be.  
“Lasagna?” he asked and she nodded excitedly. He sighed but smiled and rose from the chair while folding away his paper.  
“Come on, you prep, I will cook. WE don’t want another accident like the pancakes,” he said with a tender voice before he kissed her cheek softly and grabbed the basket.

She giggled and sang along to the music that drifted in from the many open windows as he layered the lasagna before topping it off with a huge amount of cheese.  
“A little more?” Arabella asked as she wrapped her arms around him from behind and rose on her tippy-toes to kiss his exposed neck.  
“More?” he asked on a drawl and arched a brow. She just giggled and nodded. He sighed and added another handful of parmesan and another handful of mozzarella slices.  
“Yay,” she giggled and let him go to et the table out on the tiny little balcony now that the sun had gone down and Severus could actually be out there. Without melting.

“You are beautiful when you eat,” Severus said as he put his cutlery down and just watched his love devour one of her many favourite dishes. She looked up with a puzzled look.  
“I mean it.” And he truly did. She had her body back, her smile and that joy in her eyes he loved deeply.  
“I love your food,” she said and took another mouthful, “you know I do,” she continued and he arched his brow.  
“Sorry,” she mumbled still with food in her mouth. A habit Severus actually could not stand. He gave her a small smile.

After they had cleaned up they both ended up out on the balcony. Arabella with a glass of red wine and Severus with a tumbler of whiskey infused with cinnamon and a hint of ash wood. They sipped as his free hand stroked her back softly. She hummed as his cool hand chilled her and he could not help but kiss the top of her head.

“Are you happy, darling?” he asked silently. His voice was barely a murmuring whisper. She looked up at him from the side. Her eyes twinkled and her smile was as wide as it could be.  
“Very, honey love,” she said back and reached up to stroke his still pale cheek. The touch made him shudder. With delight. As did her words for him.

He sat down the tumbler and wrapped her up in his arms from behind as they watched the city fold-out beneath them. Lights twinkled and the town bussed with joy and song as the weekend took over. They stood there for a long time and just watched, enjoyed the calm and the cool night that gave them a short time to breathe before the next day would come with burning heat once more.

**“When will** you allow me to see you, Severus?” she asked as dawn graced the world and they laid in bed, wrapped around each other.  
“What do you mean?” he asked as he kissed her forehead lightly. His voice a bit gravelly from the night and she sat up. The cover billowed around her waist and he marvelled at her beauty in the mornings golden light.

“You know what I mean. There is not an inch of me you have not discovered, touch, seen or kissed, honey love. But I, I have not seen all of you. Nor touched or kissed you all over as you have done to me,” she whispered and her voice broke ever so slightly on the last word. He sat up, his white nightshirt hung loosely around him as the worn cotton had stretched over the many years he had owned it.

“Darling, I-”  
“Don’t you trust me?” she asked in a hurt tone. He smiled softly as he looked at her beautiful face.  
“I trust you, completely.” He stroked her cheek gently.  
“However,” he continued, “I am not, how to put it, so unkind as to hurt you in that way,” he said and his eyes fell away from her. He had never been ashamed of his scars, but he was not happy about them and he knew that Arabella would be hurt by his revoltingly marked skin should she see it. He felt it, in his gut, for some reason unknown to him.

“Severus, love, please. It, it hurts to not know you.” He looked at her as she pleaded with him. She pulled at the strings at the top of the shirt.  
“I do not want to hurt you,” he said again, “and I fear you may, may not feel for me as you do now if you saw me clearly.” _There, I’ve said it, my silly feelings of insecurity in being with a beauty such as you_ , he thought and the feeling that gnawed at him developed elongated canines to dig deeper with.

“Severus, love,” she leaned closer and kissed his hooked nose, “you are perfect in all ways. I know what you look like, I have seen you in tight clothes you know,” she smirked and kissed him on the lips. He chuckled but sighed.  
“Oh Severus, please stop this nonsense. You’re perfect just as you are.” He arched a brow expertly and huffed ever so slightly.

She straddled him swiftly and he laid on his back, one hand on each of her soft thighs.  
“Let me be close to you,” she whispered as the birds chirped, a man called out about selling bread and women chattered joyfully outside the open windows. But Severus felt dread and fear. Not joy. Despite Arabella, in all her naked glory, straddling him in the mornings light.

“I won’t change my opinion of you, all I want is to be close. I just, just want you to let me love you all the way. Like I allow you,” she said softly as she completely opened the neck of his nightshirt. He swallowed, small beads of sweat misted his skin - from her touch, her words and the damned Italian heat.  
“Say you love me,” he said and she smiled.  
“I love you, more than anything.” He sighed and nodded.

She climbed off him as he sat up. His hands shook as his heart pounded. Nobody had ever seen his upper body. He had revealed his marks to no person and now that he was about to, he felt uncomfortable, to say the least. He was nervous and almost afraid. Or it was a feeling that resembled fear at least.

“Severus, I love you, all of you. No matter what,” she said softly and he grabbed the hem of the shirt. He pulled it up and over his head in one swift motion and avoided to look at Arabella with all his might as he heard her gasp. It hurt more than he had thought it could as she started to sob beside him.

“Severus, honey love, what happened to you?” she whispered ever so softly as her hand landed gently on his scared back. She sobbed as her fingers trailed the countless marks that made his skin uneven.  
“Tell me, talk to me. Please,” she said as her fingers kept trailing the marks. He shuddered and closed his eyes. _She does not hate you, she is not running away, she is not running away_ , he thought as a tear rolled down his cheek. He was so relieved.

“It was many years ago, I was young and unable to defend or heal myself,” he said in a low murmur.  
“My father, well, let us just say he consumed rather large amounts of alcohol and the brew did not make him kind,” he continued as her hand kept stroking his back as he sat leaning forward.  
“He was not a soft or gentle man,” he said and cleared his throat slightly.  
“But it was a long time ago, darling. He is since long gone from my life and I prefer to keep it that way.” Arabella’s hand landed on his shoulder and he finally took the courage to look at her.

“Why did you hide this from me?”  
“I did not want to hurt you, or, make you run away from me,” he said and she huffed.  
“Severus, I fell in love with you, not your body or skin. Although, it might have had a little to do with it…” Her cheeks blushed, “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that tight frock coat or that billowing cloak… The cravat the hid your throat, I wanted to rip it off…” Severus brow arched and she giggled.

“Severus, I love you, I’m not running away and I am so happy that you’ve finally given yourself to me, fully.”  
“Arabella,” he said and leaned back while he pulled her on top of himself, “I love you and I am yours, fully. Always,” he said and she caressed his lightly haired chest where cigarette burns and belt scars marked him.  
“Love me,” she whispered before their lips met and he hummed as joy overtook him once more. For she had not left, had not hated his appearance and above all she still loved him. So he did as she wished, and loved her until breakfast turned to brunch.

**He put** away his coffee cup, _where is she?_ He rose from the chair in the living room. The sun stood high on the sky and he huffed. The heat really did not agree with him despite it the fact it had been nearly two months since they came to Rome.

“Where is she..?” he mumbled as he looked at the clock on the wall. Nearly two in the afternoon and she had never come back for lunch and Arabella never missed a chance at eating his cooking. He was a bit worried, actually, as he stepped out on the balcony. The sun fried him yet he stood there, looking out in his white cotton shirt and grey cotton trousers, his feet bare against the stone floors.

“Mrs. Cutillo!” he called as a lady in a floral dressed passed down on the street.  
“Ah, Mr. Snápe,” she called back with an Italian accent.  
“Have you seen my woman?” he called back,  
“Ara-bella, si?”  
“Yes, Arabella, have you seen her?” he called and she smiled.  
“Si, the markétt,” she answered with a smile and Severus took a deep breath.  
“With gentleman, molto bello gentleman!” she called with a mischievous grin. Severus stiffened.  
“Italian?”  
“Ah, nono, English,” she answered and a lump formed in Severus’s stomach.

He had socks and shoes on in an instant and ran down the many stairs and out on the street.  
“Where, Mrs. Cutillo, where at the market?” he asked as he panted slightly.  
“Ah, eh, frutta, eh, fruit,” the lady said and Severus thanked her before he took off running. He could not risk using apparition among muggles. _Arabella, Arabella, please, be there, be there…_ His thoughts went wild as he took shortcuts, jumped a fence, ducked under laundry and squeezed through a narrow pathway.

The market was buzzing with people, everywhere there were people despite the heat and the blasted sun. He looked for the fruit section as he looked for Arabella at the same time. His heart pounded, fear that Dox had found them filled him as he desperately looked for his love.

He stopped for a moment, in the middle of the fruit stands. Sweat dripped down his neck and face. His hair was moist and the damn sun shined in his eyes as he looked and looked for Arabella. But he could not see her anywhere. Her platinum blond hair should have stood out among the rest.

His heart pounded and it felt as if he could not breathe.  
“Where are you?” he mumbled as he spun around. That’s when he saw her, she disappeared in between to walls, pulled by a pale hand. He was running before his mind caught up.

“No, let go, let me go!” Her voice echoed towards him and he ran faster despite barely being able to push down enough air in his tight lungs.  
“You, belong to me!” The voice of Rovius Dox echoed after hers and ice filled his veins despite the damn heat. It made him think more clearly, made all other things fall away as he reached the place they had gone in.

It was a tiny pathway between to builds and he managed to squeeze through as Arabella cried out in pain before the distinct noise of a body hitting the ground echoed towards him.  
“Rovius, stop!” she screamed as her voice was half choked.  
“You little bitch!” And at that moment Severus managed to get them in his field of view.

Arabella laid on the ground, her hair tousled and tears streamed down her cheeks. Dox stood by her, his chest heaved and anger seemed to fill his body by the looks of it. That’s when Arabella caught site of him, Severus. His face was stone cold. His eyes burned with rage. His fists clenched as he took one step towards them.

“Severus,” Arabella whimpered and that was when he saw the broken lip. His body stiffened. He had made a promise; to never let that man lay a hand on her again. That she would never be within his reach ever again. He had failed her. His mind went blank as his hands stayed fisted.

Dox looked up, his eyes hooked on to Severus as his anger seemed to amplify.  
“You,” he growled as he started to march towards Severus, “you stole my wife!” Severus did all he could to stay still, hid his emotions as best he could and kept his eyes solely on Dox - the furious man getting ever closer.

Severus had but a mere moment to come up with a plan. The rage that roared through him made it near impossible to think as all that filled his mind were Arabella. His beloved. But Severus had not survived for so long without wits and quick thinking. He had not been playing the Dark Lord, deceiving the Dark Lord, for years without his ability to react properly to any given situation without hesitation.

Severus chuckled and placed his hand behind his back so as to give a more relaxed appearance.  
“Surely, a man such as myself would have no hold over such a beauty,” he said to Dox in a way of throwing the man’s own words back at him. Dox stopped a mere three steps from him.  
“You stole my wife,” he hissed, “she belongs to me. Forever.” Severus allowed himself to half-smile at the man.  
“Well, it appears, ” he said in a low hum of a voice, “she finds herself belonging to no man. Least of all you,” he continued while holding the man’s gaze.

His purpose was clear. Draw the lunatic’s attention, keep him from Arabella and find a way to get rid of him once and for all if possible. His plan seemed to be working as Dox shook with anger.  
“I will have your life,” Dox growled as he was seemingly unable to control his emotions as Severus could.  
“I would not wager on that,” Severus replied as a small grin crossed his lips. It seemed to throw Dox out of balance as he blinked. The man was obviously not used to not getting his way.

“You filthy old-”  
“Careful, Mr Dox. Do not forget to whom you are speaking,” Severus warned as his face hardened and his lips turned to a thin line. Dox laughed.  
“Oh, I’m not forgetting, you old traitor. I’m not forgetting at all and I know many will salute me for ending your life,” Dox said as wickedness gleamed in his dead eyes, “I will end you and then I will have my way with the girl and end her!”

Dox reached for his wand as Severus did the same. Pure fury boiled in him as the words sent him into a fit of rage. Arabella was his to love, his to cherish and his to protect. The volatile lunatic in front of him would not ever again lay a hand on his beloved. If it so was the last thing Severus ever did he would see to that.

They battled, lightning of magic shot from their wands as they tried to finish each other. Severus was quick on his feet, quicker with his curses and even faster at blocking Dox’s attacks. Arabella screamed, Severus attacked and Dox flew back a few feet before thudding to the ground. Severus straightened as he slowly walked towards the fallen lunatic.

“Severus,” Arabella whimpered as he was right at her side. He lowered himself to check on her before he was to check on Dox. He made a mistake. The moment he was hunched down by Arabella’s side he heard Dox scream a spell and he had a mere second to react as he shielded Arabella with his own body.

The spell hit him and his ribs broke. He felt the cracking yet all he could think of was Arabella’s safety as she screamed his name beneath him. For a moment he could not move. For a moment he was panting in pain. For a moment he could not rise and attack. He felt Dox’s hand around the collar of his shirt as the man yanked at the fabric. But Severus was heavier than he probably had assumed. _Or you’re just used to throwing woman around you pathetic piece of shit!_

Severus spun around and his clenched fist landed with a cracking noise over Dox’s nose bridge. He felt the breaking of the man’s nose as he hit. Dox stumbled back. Severus was on his feet quicker than a house-elf could snap its fingers. He landed another blow to Dox’s jaw, a third to his ribs and the fourth he pounded against his throat.

Severus was panting, Dox was stumbling and moaning. Arabella whimpered and cried.  
“You, do not, get to touch her.” Severus’s words were final. Absolute. Dox coughed and blood splattered the cobblestone beneath their feet.  
You, are through,“ he continued with a thundering voice that was low yet seemed to be screamed at the same time. He took a step towards Dox who straightened and that wickedness was gleaming in his eyes yet again. But this time it was paired with fear and anger.

"I will have her,” he said with a bloodstained mouth, “I will have her and you can do nothing about it.” Those words were enough for Severus to launch himself at the man. The fell backwards, Severus landed atop the volatile man and his fist made contact with all the places he could reach. He pounded and hit, over and over. Until Arabella clung to him and tried to pull him away.

“Severus! Severus, please! Stop!” she screamed with cry-muddled voice. A ringing of panic seemed to accompany her voice and Severus ended the pounding of the bloody heap that was Rovius Dox. He turned toward his love and engulfed her in his arms after he had stood up. She shook, he did as well. She cried, his heart pounded violently. His fist ached and they were covered in blood that stained Arabella’s hair and dress as he held her.

“I love you,” I love you, I love, you, I love you,“ she cried into his chest and he held her tighter.  
"I love you,” he murmured into her hair. At that moment Dox coughed and Severus spun around, _how are you not dead?_ The bloody heap coughed again and Severus saw him fumble for his wand that laid several feet away. _Oh no, you don’t,_ he thought as he stepped on Dox’s wrist. The man moaned as Severus leaned and added more weight to his foot.

“You, will not, touch her, again.” Severus pressed even harder and the bloody heap both moaned and coughed.  
“Severus, stop, let’s just go,” Arabella cried as she pulled on his arm, “he can’t do anything anymore,” she continued and Severus gave the bloody heap a disgusted sneer but stepped away. He grabbed Arabella’s arm and pulled her towards him.  
“Come,” he said and started walking towards the way they had entered. She hurried along closely pressed against his side.

As they were almost at the opening between the two buildings, ready to leave the bloody scene, Severus heard the unmistakable sound of twisting and moving of a wounded body. He turned and pulled his wand just as Dox had grabbed his own and directed it’s tip towards them. Without hesitation, he cast the Sectumsempra spell and Dox cried out in agony before Severus silenced him with Muffliato.

“I am sorry,” he said to Arabella, “but this will never stop,” he whispered as he kissed her forehead. Arabella whimpered, her eyes were red and a strand of blood had seeped from her broken lip and down her jaw. Some bruises had started to form over her temple, jaw and around her neck where Dox had obviously grabbed her harshly. It only made Severus’s rage burn brighter.

A slight nod was all she gave him and he walked over in long strides to the silenced man bleeding from every part of his body.  
“This won’t hurt,” he mumbled as he pointed his wand at the man, “I promise.” He focused on the terrified eyes that stared back at him. He had no choice, he knew that. He looked over his shoulder towards Arabella who stared at the scene.  
“Turn around love,” he said softly and she obliged as new tears streamed down her face.

“Let us find out what you have been up to,” he said and non verbally cast the Legilimens spell to enter the volatile lunatic’s mind to figure out how many new about Arabella’s whereabouts and his own involvement in her disappearance. He would need that information to protect her and keep her hidden.

Flashes of memories passed him, Dox was not good at Occlumency and his damaged state made him weak. Severus could easily penetrate the man’s mind and see it all. He saw things he never wished to see. Beat up women, bloody chains, riding crops whipping, chocking hands and lights that left several women eyes. His own stomach twisted as the Bellatrix seemed like a kindergarten teacher compared to Rovius Dox.

Flashes of Arabella tied to a pole, stripped naked and bruised, filled his sight. Her starved body. Ribs sticking out and her face beaten severely as she hung limply only upright thanks to the ropes around her wrists. Dox’s laughter, his despicable hands touching her delicate skin. He wanted to throw up.

Several memories just like that one passed him and then came the memories he was searching for. Just as he could barely take it anymore. The man’s head was a hideous place and Severus did truly not want to be in it.

Dox was talking to Lucius, mentioning Italy and Severus himself. But nothing that gave away their location or Severus attachment to Arabella. Just that they both had disappeared at the same time. Lucius defended Severus, oddly enough, and said to Dox that he often travelled during summer to secure new ingredients and potion precipice. But in Dox mind he knew that man had not been fooled, the question was why Lucius had defended him?

Another memory, Dox was sat by his desk, a heap of papers strew out over the desk’s surface. Severus could glimpse Arabella’s name. Marriage certificate, a will as well. Dox was amending it.  
’ _Should I perish, nothing shall be given to my wife. All will be awarded to my sister. My wife, Arabella Dox, should be left with nothing but what she had when our marriage was started…’_ Severus read over Dox’s shoulder and gave the will disgusted sneer. Not only was the man abusing her in life but he would also leave her broke and damaged in his death. _Bastard,_ Severus thought.

Another memory swirled into place. Dox was talking to the Dark Lord. A stone as cold as ice form in Severus’s gut. Dox seemed to be trying is hardest to persuade the Dark Lord of his treachery and lies. Of him stealing Dox’s wife and working for the Order while preventing him from seeing his own wife. Severus was anxiously waiting for the Dark Lord to speak but he seemed merely annoyed by the vulgar man that took up his time.

The Dark Lord finally answered that he did not doubt about Severus or his allegiance. Something eased in Severus’s stomach as the Dark Lord spoke to Dox about Severus aromantic inclination (no matter how false that was) and his age in comparison to Arabella’s. He also, apparently, deemed fit to speak of Severus’s demanding life and his many services to the Dark Lord himself before - and Severus had to admit he enjoyed this part - he used Crucio on Dox and then commanded he never speak in such a way to him again.

The last memory Severus witnessed was Dox making a complete mess of his office. In a fit of rage, he smashed furniture, ripped curtains and threw whatever ornaments he could get his filthy hands on. He seemed utterly enranged and a complete raving lunatic. Severus merely watched as Dox’s office door opened and a young girl, barely 17, stepped in. Severus grew cold again as Dox wickedly smiled at the young girl who seemed to be working as a staff member; judging by her attire.

Severus could not bear to watch the rest of the memory after Dox had beckoned the girl over with those dead eyes gleaming off hatred. He knew all too well what would follow and what that girl would endure. So he stepped out of Dox’s mind. His stomach twisting and knots formed as bile rose in his mouth. He barely had time to turn his head from the bloody heap of a man on the ground before he threw up. The memories filled him and forced his body to bend. He heaved until there was nothing left to rid his stomach of.

“You despicable, filthy, abhorrent animal,” he growled as he straightened. He could barely look at Dox without his stomach turning inside him.  
“You will forget her, you will only remember that you married and felt it wasn’t right to take her beauty from the world. You will remember that you got a divorce and you will never wish to see or speak to her again,” he growled as he pointed his wand at the man.

Severus did not wish to admit it but he wanted to end the miserable lifeform. Spare the world of hideous existence. Yet, he could not risk going to Azkaban nor risk the wrath of the Dox family; or the Dark Lord. So he did what he was excellent at. He used Obliviate to adjust Dox’s memory and left only what was necessary for the man to function properly and no trace leading anyone back to himself or Arabella.  
“Obliviate,” he said quietly and the tip of his wand glowed faintly in silver as it sucked out the memories.

Severus turned to Arabella as Dox’s eyes looked blank and confused.  
“Stay here,” he said to the back of her head and then he grabbed Dox by the arm and apparated outside Malfoy manner. He merely had time to let go before he apparated back to Rome and Arabella. As the little swoosh was heard she turned towards him.

Her face was swollen, her eyes red and clouded with sadness. He walked towards her and she ran into his arms. He caught her and held her firmly. She started sobbing and her knees went week so he held her up.  
“Is he gone? Truly gone?” she asked through a sob, Severus nodded and kissed the top of her head.  
“He is, love. He is,” he said ever so softly and she cried violently. He silently held her as tears of his own rolled down his cheeks. Perhaps now they could finally just be a couple?


	5. Found You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you are prepared for this... It is quite a lot to take in. We're travelling again as they can't stay in Rome, so we go from warmth to cold as we head over to Sweden and we'll have one hell of a ride for this, truly, last part of A Bludger To The Heart. What a ride it has been. Between sex, violence, fear, pain, rage and heartache we have flown gingerly with our breath in our throats. But it is time to fly one last time with Sevella as their love grows <3 But please, prepare yourself before you read this - so much fluff awaits along with many other things that might shock you!  
> Hold on to your broomstick and let's ride this out together! Just don't forget to breathe! O.O <3

* * *

**“What do** we do now?” Arabella asked as Severus closed the front door behind them. He had barely had a second to consider their options as everything had happened so quickly. Not that he didn’t have backup plans. No, he had a few of those. The question was, which plan to go with?  
“We have a few options,” he said. His voice was dark and rumbling as always. But now it was even lower than usual. Arabella looked at him and he could not help the pain he felt in his chest. 

Her face was bruised, lip broken and dried blood lined her chin. Her hair was a mess, her dress torn and her legs scraped by the stone Dox had thrown her down on. But the bruise around her neck was what caught his eye more than anything. His hand had wrapped around that slender neck more times than he could count, but now that same hand fisted by his side as anger rose within him once more. _I promised, I made a vow. He was not to touch you, never to reach you again. I failed you,_ he thought as his jaw clenched harshly while the evergrowing ache in his chest seemed to fester and spread. Like a deadly disease that wished to drag him down below the surface of joy. 

"Severus?" Arabella's voice yanked him out of his thoughts, "are, are you alright? You-, you're a bit pale," she said as worry shined in her lovely eyes. He could not help the slight huff that escaped him at her words. But as he did so a sharp physical pain shot through his chest. His broken ribs. It felt as if they pressed on something, as if something broke in him. His knees buckled at the pain as the anger, fear and adrenaline left him to feel the full impact of his injuries. 

"Severus!" Her hands were on him in an instant as his knees hit the floor and he sank down.   
"I'm alright," he growled with a hushed voice as his jaw remained clenched.   
"You are not alright!" The worry poured from her voice and it sickened him. not only had he failed her, now he was a burden to her. _I could not even protect her properly. Could not keep her safe. Could not keep her out of reach of that volatile, miserable-_ He hissed as Arabella tried to keep him from falling over and it interrupted his thought. 

"We, we need a healer," she said frantically and he heard the thickness of tears that clogged her beautiful voice.   
"I'll be fine. I just need to-" but he could not finish that sentence as realisation dawned on him. He had nothing to fix himself up with. No potions. Everything was at Spinner's End, his house. He could not travel in such a state and neither could he keep Arabella safe if he could barely keep himself from losing his grip of reality and slip into unconsciousness.   
"To what?" Arabella asked as she held him close where they were now sat on the floor right in front of the door.   
"Nothing, just, rest." He leaned his head back a bit and Arabella's tears landed on his forehead as she almost cradled him. 

A few moments ago he had been standing, been supporting her and comforting her through her violent crying. But now, there he was, cradled in his beloved's arms as he felt intense pain that shot through him with every heavy breath he took. _Some rest and healing spells, I'll be fine. I'll be fine,_ he thought as he felt his eyelids close gently. The claws of rage and fury released his mind to endless nothingness encased in a hollow echo of no words. 

**He felt** the cool breeze of night air gently caress his face. He stirred as the hollow echo turned to sound, as the nothingness turned to sensation and smell. He groaned as he tried to move his limbs.   
"Stay still, honey love, stay still." Arabella's voice was close by and it tugged him the last little inch away from the empty realm he had been captive in, for how long he did not know. His eyes blinked open and were met by her bruised face as everything came rushing back. He tried to sit up but a gentle hand on his chest kept him from moving further. Her gentle hand. His eyes were met by her soft smile but her eyes looked glazed over. 

"How long?" he asked and she smiled a little softer.   
"A few hours, not long," she answered as he sighed deeply. _Such nonsense, pathetic,_ he thought as he tried to figure out the state of his body. He was in pain, it felt as if a troll had jumped on his chest.   
"I did a few healing spells, but I'm not as skilled as you in that area," Arabella whispered and she seemed sad, hurt over her own words.   
"Thank you, darling," he murmured with a small tug at his lips. She nodded and her gentle hand left his chest. He grabbed it and kept it in his hand. 

His thumb stroked circles around he knuckles and she looked at their hands.   
"I'm, I'm sorry Severus," she whispered on a small sob as tears started to trickle anew. Severus arched his brow in confusion.   
"What ever for?" he asked and she wiped her cheeks with her free hand.   
"For the pain I've caused you. I, I wish I hadn't dragged you into this-"   
"Sch, not another word," Severus said as he sat up with a held back hiss and groan, "I would not want to be anywhere else," he continued as he tugged her closer. 

As he ignored the pain that nearly made him tremble and whimper he held her close. Hugged her, kissed her, stroked her hair as she cried against his lips.   
"I'm so sorry," she sobbed, "I'm so sorry, so sorry," she kept going but Severus merely kissed her with passion and love as he could not speak at that moment. Both from the overwhelming feeling of being with her and the pain that would most likely cause his voice to falter. So he simply kissed and held her as she slowly stopped sobbing and instead started to kiss him back with fervour and lust while he hummed his approval. 

A few moments later the kiss ended as they both needed air. Desperately.   
"My wand," he managed to say without fault. Arabella reached over to the little nightstand where she grabbed the wand gently before she handed it to him.   
"How did you-?"   
"Levitation," she simply stated as he all of a sudden realised he was indeed in their bedroom. The only thing he wore was the cotton trousers and his cotton shirt. Not the shirt he had worn earlier though. He arched a brow at her and her cheeks blushed ever so slightly.   
"And hands," she smiled out before he chuckled and kissed her forehead gently. He did not mind she had stripped him of the shoes and socks and evidently switched his shirts. She had, presently, seen him fully. As he was, without any fabric that could shelter his marred and marked skin. _She did not run then, did not run now either._

Severus pulled the shirt off his upper body and slowly walked over to the mirror in the bedroom. He was stiff and sore, it was hard to breathe but he managed not to make a sound or show any signs of the pain he was in. He would simply not have it, he would simply not worry Arabella any further. _Weakling, you've been through worse. Much, much worse._ Severus sighed and tried to keep his expression as blank as possible.

He looked at his reflection and focused his mind to examine what harm had befallen him through his clash with Dox. The bastard had landed a few good hits that unfortunately had inflicted more damage than Severus had thought in his rage-fueled state earlier. _Broken ribs, most likely several fractures. Bruised lung, a bruised jaw, fractured knuckles, sore leg, could be worse._ He viewed himself as Arabella walked up with a heavy look over her face. Her hands landed gently on his hips before she softly kissed his shoulder with slightly swollen lips from earlier.   
"I'm so sorry," she whispered against his skin. 

Severus turned towards her, his face set in a harsh expression.   
"No more words like that," he growled as his hands gently took her face to allow his eyes to hold hers. His pierced hers with fire and swirling darkness.   
"No more," he said again and she blew out a breath, "let's focus on fixing this instead." She nodded as his hold on her face really was tenderly soft. He smiled and felt something shift in him as the light seemed to reappear in her beautiful eyes. He kissed her forehead again and gently stroked his thumb over her cheekbone.   
"Let's get this over with," he said in a mellow thunder, to reassure her he truly could handle it. Even if the pain was on the edge of tolerable, he would keep it subdued to ease her already pained thoughts of sorrow. 

**It took** nearly two days before he was back to nearly normal. But he was utterly spent as the second day came to an end. He had used spell after spell, made some healing potions with whatever he had available that worked to a certain degree. He wasn't healed completely but he could function without fault or high levels of pain. The fact he had given Arabella the best of the healing potions he had been able to brew helped him in a different way. He couldn't do anything about her battered appearance but he could heal her and take away the pain from the interaction with Dox. 

Arabella placed a plate of food before him. _Smile and eat it, just smile and be thankful for this-, well whatever this is,_ he thought as he ate yet another horrible meal made by his beloved Arabella. She really could not cook. At. All. He wasn't even sure what concoction she had tried to create for him. No idea at all. But he ate and smiled, ate and thanked her. Ate and was grateful for her efforts - even if her food might as well had been the final nail in his coffin. 

"I know, I know, don't look at me like that!" Severus blinked, a bit startled by her sudden outburst.   
"I, didn't say anything, darling."   
"You don't have to, I know I can't cook... But you won't let me go out to buy us anything to eat so I-"   
"Darling, this is more than good enough."   
"Pfth, liar," she hissed but it wasn't in any way aggressive. Severus just chuckled for a moment before he glanced up at her. She was poking the food on her plate and he could not help but roll his eyes - but just barely noticeably.   
"I will cook tomo-"  
" _FINALLY!_ " she wailed with joy before he had even finished his sentence, "I can not take another meal of this!" she continued and Severus chuckled. 

A moment passed as they ate in silence.   
"Are you sure you're well enough though?" she asked and Severus looked at her where she was sat across from him by the little table in the kitchen area. He nodded. She scanned his face with intense eyes, obviously searching for indications that he was not. But her face eventually evened out when she was satisfied that he was not lying to her.   
"Even if I weren't, I think your cooking would finish me off if I don't-" Her napkin landed across his face as she tried to glare at him through her giggles. 

He softened, "there you are." He had missed her smile, her happy eyes and the carefree sense that emanated from her when she was happy. He had missed it dearly. As flowers missed the sun a rainy summer. His heart swelled and he felt as though something returned to normal after the harsh, dark days they had just gone through.   
"I missed you," he murmured, his voice soft as rolling thunder from far away.   
"I missed you too," she replied as her giggles turned to the softest of smiles before she rose and stepped around the table to cradle his head and shoulders against her chest. 

He inhaled her scent, listened to her beating heart that sent pulsing life through her. She hummed before her lips graced the top of his head.   
"How well are you, exactly?" she mused and he could not have missed the purr of her voice even if he had been deaf.   
"Well enough," he stated as his arms tightened around her soft waist. He could feel her smile against his scalp as she pressed herself closer. Severus hummed in delight, he could not help the soft sound that escaped him and in the next instance, he rose and towered over her. Her arms slid down, her hands landed on his chest as he held her tightly before their lips met in a gentle rush. 

They stumbled towards the small bed as their lips never broke free from each other. Clothes were removed in such haste they barely had time to suck in some air as her dress was pulled over her head and his shirt went the same way over his.   
"I love you," she whispered against his lips and he hummed. Never did those words evade his heart and soul. Never did they lose their glistening warmth of purity and softness. Never did he want to hear them for the last time. He wanted and wished for them through eternity and beyond it.   
"As I love you," he murmured back against her soft lips that felt perfect for his own thin ones. 

They landed softly on top of the covers as her legs snaked around his waist. One of his hands travelled down the length of her delicate yet curvy body as his other hand snaked in under her head, her hair slinked between his rough fingers and the feeling was wonderful. Her body pressed closer as he lowered himself ever so slightly. Her hands reached up, travelled over his back where they stroked each bulging scar they found. She moaned as the hand travelling down her body found its destination between her folds and her nails dug into his back as he stroked in gentle circles. 

Their bodies entwined and rose through the swell of elation like a raging sea of endless power. Their breaths tangled with moans and groans as they found comfort, love and pleasure in each other's bodies. As they rose and climbed ever higher over the swell they sank deeper into their love that was as endless as the universe. He could not help but lose track of all things worldly when she was his entire existence. He could not help but moan and hold onto her in pure need for the feel of her in all ways as she forced him to lose control with the softest of utterances of his name. He was lost, as was she. Lost in the deep dark of the softest love made to last for all time to come. 

**She slept** peacefully beside him as the night passed beyond their little home. The gentle curve of her body covered by a thin sheet was bathed in the light from streetlamps beyond the open window. His cold finger drew gentle circles on her hip as her back was towards him. He could not keep himself from making physical contact with the most wonderful being ever to have existed. _And she is mine to love and protect._ A soft smile tugged at the corners of his mouth at the thought before he leaned in and kissed her exposed shoulder. She hummed ever so slightly as he drew nearer, his arm draped over her and her hair tickled his nose. But that's how he stayed, in pure bliss as his chest felt near the point of exploding with the love it housed for her. Sweet Arabella, his light and love in all things. 

At some point, he had fallen asleep as he woke up to Arabella snuggling closer while humming in delight. He wrapped her up in his arms as he kissed her forehead.   
"Good morning," he murmured with a gruff voice as sleep had not quite left him yet.   
"Morning, Honey love," she giggled out on a soft breath, "I love you." _The perfect way to start the day..._   
"I love you as well," he murmured, "madly in love with you," he continued and she leaned in to kiss the base of his throat before her lips ventured down to his chest; her hand travelled up and strained his chest hair between her slender fingers.   
"I love this too," she whispered as her fingers swirled and played with his chest hair. Severus chuckled as he relished the feeling.   
"Can't believe you withheld this from me for so long. Bastard," she chided with a smirk as her lips kissed his right pectoral.   
"All good things to those who wait," he simply murmured with that gruff morning voice and she sighed as she rolled her eyes.   
"I'm more of an instant gratification kind of girl, you know," she said as she proper herself up on an elbow and continued to swirl her finger through the soft hair that covered his chest.   
"Of course you are, darling." 

A few moments passed in silence, while Severus just marvelled in her gentle caresses and kisses. The soft breaths that stroked his chest as her face was so close to his skin, the gentle sensation of her sunkissed skin against his own. He wished, for a second, that time could just stand still and allow them to be in that moment for all time to come. Through eternity, through the collapse of the universe and even after that - when there was nothing to call a world he wished she and he could exist in that exact moment as all other things were lost. 

"Will you make me pancakes?"   
"Huh? Sorry love, what?" She giggled at his confused expression and he could not help but smile at her beaming face.   
"I want pancakes, for breakfast, please?" she pleaded as her eyes turned impossibly large and her face seemed to take on a gentle puppy face expression.   
"No need for that darling, I will make you anything you want. Just tell me-"   
"Pancakes with chocolate, blueberries and strawberries and-"   
"Alright, alright," he chuckled and smiled, "let me get dressed then." 

About thirty minutes later they both sat down to a wonderful breakfast of pancakes, all kinds of fruits and berries and a whole pot of coffee. Severus slowly sipped the black coffee as Arabella loaded up her plate to the point you couldn't even see the plate beneath all the pancakes, fruits, berries and the damn river of chocolate sauce she had poured all over it.   
"You're going to-"   
"If you say get fat I will smack you!" Arabella growled with a fork covered of pancakes dripping with glistening chocolate sauce. Severus chuckled.   
"No, I was not about to say that, I was going to say you are going to die of a heart attack if you keep eating like that. And I want you around," he said as her angry face turned surprised and then soft as she smiled at him.   
"Indulge me, it's been nearly three days since I ate your food, honey love." Severus merely smiled and waved his hand over the food in a slow motion as to invite her to eat it all if she wished. 

Severus sipped his coffee and ate three pancakes with some blueberries and a dabble of honey that made them shine in the morning light. Arabella shoved pancake after pancake into her mouth as he lips slowly got covered by chocolate sauce. She licked her lips with a happy grin as he arched a brow at her.   
"Hey, I'm not speaking with my mouth full of food at least. If it ends up around my mouth is a different matter entirely," she said with a shrug of her shoulders as he chuckled slightly.   
"I do not mind when you're messy," he simply stated in a flat voice as she shocked on her coffee.   
"Severus!" she chided but he seemed stoic on the outside; on the inside, however, he was celebrating the fact he could make her blush in such a way. 

**"Maybe we** should go somewhere it's not so warm?" Arabella said as they were both packing a suitcase each of their clothes, toiletries and such.   
"Hm, perhaps," he said - unwilling to admit he wished for nearly nothing else than to escape the blasted Italian heat.   
"Any ideas?" she asked as she folded his shirts and he packed them into his suitcase.   
"One, actually," she looked up at him, "Sweden. I was thinking it would be a great hideaway. Who'd look in that tiny country in the north? I've only been twice so no real history there either. No connections to you or me," he said and she seemed to think about it as they continued to pack up. 

"I think, you're right. It would be a good place to start over, but, where do we go?" Arabella asked as she levitated her suitcase out to the living room.   
"Up north, Or, maybe that will be too cold for you. We could go south. It gets cold but the climate feels not too different from back in England. A little less rainy, a little more sunny, a bit more snow. And the people are friendly but private. So I don't believe anyone will come snooping. Or ask questions," Severus answered.   
"Okay, let's do that then." Severus nodded at her before he asked if she had everything. She did, as did he. So as he held on to her and they both held on to a suitcase each they took one last look at the little sunny flat situated in a little alley in Rome. In the next moment, Severus apparated them away. 

Arabella swayed ever so slightly once they arrived at the intended place. A small house surrounded by forest. The house was red with white trimmings and details. It was small yet looked both inviting and cosy.   
"This is it?" she asked as she looked at the little house. Severus could not quite discern if she were happy or not.   
"This is it, it may be a bit small but-"   
"I love it!" she squealed as she let go of both him and the suitcase, in a rush, she ran to the front door and Severus barely had time to flick his wand to unlock it before she tugged on the handle and dragged the green little door open. 

He levitated the suitcases in front of him as he stalked across the green lawn in her wake. He barely had time to set the suitcases down before Arabella came running from the kitchen and jumped him.   
"I love it! It's so cute!" she said as she kissed his neck and hugged him. Her feet dangled a few centimetres above the floor as Severus held her tightly; gently but firmly.   
"Glad it's to your liking."   
"No no, I don't like it, honey love, I _love it!_ " Severus chuckled and sat her down. 

"How about some lunch before we go exploring? I wanna go see everything around here," Arabella said with a beaming smile. It was somewhat tainted by the lingering bruise across her jaw and around her neck but he found her to be the most beautiful in all states.  
"Certainly," he said and she marched into the kitchen as he followed, "but perhaps we should acquire some food first?" Arabella spun around at his words.   
"There's no food here?!"   
"Of course not, I haven't been her for a long time, it would have been rotting away."   
"Wait, this is yours?" Arabella asked in shock.   
"Well, yes, you thought I'd steal a house?"   
"No no, but, it's yours? Why? I mean, why do you have it?"   
"Well," Severus said as he stepped into the kitchen. It looked exactly as he remembered it with the old creaking floor, the green cabinets and the wine red fridge and stove.

"I was planning to retire here," he stated with a soft tone, "never thought I'd get to share it with a beloved, but, here we are." Arabella smiled and blushed at his words.   
"Well, I'm amazed no other woman had snagged you. You're quite the catch you know." Severus scoffed and she glared at him.   
"You are, Severus. You're lovely, devoted, loyal, wonderful and such a magnificent man you can't even fathom it, _I_ can't even fathom it at times. How lucky I am," she said as she stepped closer and snaked her arms around his waist.   
"I believe I am the lucky one," he said on thunderous murmur as he kissed her forehead.   
" _We_ are the lucky ones," she said and as she leaned her head back he kissed her with passion in the little kitchen that bathed in the light of the sun that dancing dust swirled in as if it wished to be glittering fairy dust. 

**The end** of August came and September arrived. Severus felt a bit lost as the first day of the month came and he woke up, not in his quarters at Hogwarts, but in the little house situated in dense Swedish forest with Arabella by his side. _That's odd, never thought I'd-, I'd miss it..._ He thought as his head turned and his eyes landed on Arabella, _but it has nothing on her. Nothing compared to waking up here, with you._ His cold fingers gently stroked away a few of the platinum blond strands of hair that had landed across her face. His lips gently graced her cheek so as not to wake her from her soft slumber. 

The bedroom door closed behind him after he had dressed in his clothes; a pair of black cotton trousers, a dark purple shirt with too many buttons to count and some cute socks Arabella had given him a few weeks earlier were hidden within his shoes that clad his feet. He ha laughed at the socks when she presented them as they were covered in little ducks in varying colours - but he did enjoy wearing them. Apparently, Arabella enjoyed buying him the weirdest of cute socks with a smile and the words 'everything else is black or purple or grey, white even. You need something happy too and nobody else will know silly honey love'. _They're comfy and makes her happy, why not?_

As he silently walked through the house, careful so as not to step on any of the squeaky boards, he admired the way Arabella had turned it from a shell to a home. Little trinkets, fresh flowers, warmly coloured curtains and thick rugs. It was quite lovely, he had to admit. The fact he had an actual home was beyond his capacity to fathom so he merely found himself in it and was actually extremely happy. A rather odd feeling to comprehend for the dark man but with Arabella all things were different. Now that all things with Dox were resolved, Severus had resigned from Hogwarts and started his own potions company - quite successfully already should be added - and Arabella had found work at a little café in a nearby village life seemed so slow down and settle. They seemed to settle and it was quite the joy to experience. 

Severus pondered what new potions he could create and add to his stock as he prepared Arabella's favourite breakfast - pancakes with fruits, berries and a truckload of chocolate sauce - and then his mind travelled to more pressing matters. Matters much harder to think about and even more difficult to actually deal with. But he knew, in his heart and throughout the depths of his soul, that he had to pluck up the courage and get on with it. That thing he dreaded, that thing he wished for, hoped for and dreamed of. To bond with her in a new way. 

His eyes glanced towards one of the cupboards that contained odd cups and plates - and a secret little box with an even more treasured secret hidden within it.   
"Today is the day," he murmured as he placed a whole tower of pancakes on the little white kitchen table. He had already set the table with her favourite cup, plate, utensils and some simple napkins. There were fresh flowers in a little vase of glass and some candles lit up as he moved his hand above them. But he had no time to prepare any further as he heard her stepping through the hallway. 

In the next moment, she stood in the doorway, a robe around her body and a sweet smile across her lips.   
"It smells like even in here," she purred as she sniffed the air.   
"Breakfast," he simply stated and she walked up to him. Her arms snaked around his waist and he returned the action while also kissing the top of her head.   
"I love you," she whispered against his chest, "so damn much."   
"As I love you, darling," he murmured back and she giggled as his chest vibrated beneath her cheek.   
"I love that feeling." Severus smiled down towards her and then they both sat down. 

But he could not enjoy his coffee, could not enjoy the pancakes or the fruits and berries. His stomach was in knots, his hands were moist with cold sweat and it felt as though the walls were closing in on him. All he could think about was the ring in the blue box hidden in the cupboard. Had he ever been this nervous before? No, no he could not recall a single moment he had felt as he did sitting opposite of Arabella in the little kitchen. She, however, was blissfully unaware. She talked about some new pastries they were trying out at the café as he did his utmost to listen and engage in the conversation but there seemed to be a string tied tightly around his vocal cords. 

_**I have** to do it, now, before this day passes._ He glanced towards Arabella who was reading a book, some muggle classic she had found among Severus's old books. Apparently, it was fascinating to read. Severus agreed but could not quite understand her reasoning behind it. Nevertheless, he was happy she was happy. Her face jumped from one expression tot eh other as she read and he knew she was completely immersed. He slowly rose from his own armchair and walked silently over to the kitchen. The little box ended up in the pocket of his trousers and he pulled a black coat over him so s to hide the shape of it that was quite visible as his pants were somewhat tight. 

"Darling?" Arabella looked up.   
"Huh? Yes?"   
"Would you like to go for a walk? There is something I'd like to show you," he said and she smiled before closing the book.   
"Sure, let me just grab a coat." He nodded and a few moments later they were out the door. 

The pine forest surrounded them as they followed a little path that slithered between the trees. They walked in silence and Severus was grateful for it. His stomach was in upheaval and he could not quite swallow past the lump in his throat. He was so aware of her presence, her arm around his and her hand that gently rested on his wrist. He did his best not to tense, not to show or indicate that he was truly about to go mad with nerves. He had no idea how she would react to his question and considering the last marriage she was bound to did nothing to ease his fears. 

"Severus, it's beautiful," Arabella whispered as they arrived by a little clearing. The sun was setting behind the trees and as they had stepped into the clearing lanterns lit up, floating candles swayed above them and on the ground were a whole pile of blankets and pillows. He had spent so much time to arrange it, keep it secret from others, make sure everything remained intact and dry with so many hexes and enchantments he had lost count. But it was all for her and that was all the motivation he needed. 

She let go of him and waltzed further into the clearing as she looked around with a face marked with joy and happiness.   
"It's for you, darling," he said with a soft thunder to his voice as he struggled to clear the words beyond the knot that cinched his vocal cords nearly shut. She turned towards him and her smile was as loving as the strokes of wind through summer grass. As the caress of dawns first light over a mountaintop. He felt her joy and her gratefulness through every inch of his body.   
"You're wonderful, honey love," she said and her voice rippled through him as if her voice were waves that crashed against the shoreline that was his being. He simply smiled at her as he found no words to contest or agree to her statement with. 

He walked over to her and she turned towards him. He took her hands in his before he kissed her forehead as she sighed in content.   
"Darling," he murmured and she looked up at him. His body felt like liquid, his heart pounded and that damned string seemed to choke him. His lungs burned with the need for more air as his mind turned blank. He had practised this so many times in his head, but as she stood before him he had no words that echoed through his mind. All he had to rely on was his heart. 

"Arabella, I have a question for you," he stated on a low hum.   
"Yes?" He averted his eyes for a mere second as it felt as though he would drown in hers if he did not do so.   
"We have not had an extended period of time together, nor do we know each other very well. All things considered. But," he said and took a breath, "you know me better than anyone in the universe. I feel closer to you than anything else that has a form in this world. You are, frankly, my everything." He looked at her as her eyes watered. He gathered his courage and took a steadying breath.   
"Even if I am not a gentle man, nor a soft man or a particularly happy man. I do hope you can find it in your heart, that wonderful heart of yours, to love me anyway. To love me as I love you. I can not think of life without you in it, without your smile or you laugh. Without you, there would be, simply, nothing." As he spoke he reached into his pocket and gently sank down on one knee in the middle of the little clearing surrounded by dancing lights and floating candles. 

She gasped as her slender hand reached up to cover her mouth. A slowly opened the lid of the little box where a simple, yet elegant, ring rested between cushions of fabric.   
"I do not wish to ever experience existence without you, will you do me the extraordinary honour of becoming my wife?" As the final word left his thin lips a single tear slid down his pale cheek. His emotions got the better of him as tears dripped from her chin and her shoulders shook. His heart twisted in his chest as if it got wrung between clawed hands. It felt as if an eternity passed where she simply looked at him. Searched his eyes.   
"Yes, Severus, a thousand times yes," she breathed out as she started to sob with a smile across her lips. Severus smiled widely at her as his heart fluttered away from the clawed hands and landed among the softest of clouds bathed in all the colours of the rainbow. 

He took her hand gently in his as he slid the ring atop her finger. It was made of simple silver with a sparkling white diamond in its centre. The band engraved with soft swirls forming gentle patterns that glinted in the candlelight as the diamond reflected the golden light of the lanterns. It fitted her finger perfectly and complimented her hand without being overpowering. It suited her, as he had known it would from the moment he had seen the ring. 

In the next moment, he rose and she embraced him tightly as she cried tears of joy while he buried his face in her neck and shook as his nerves released him of their iron grip. She was to be his for all time to come and never would he have to experience time without her. He was overjoyed and felt as though life had finally arrived at a destination he was happy to spend eternity at. _For all the empty days and the pain, for all the hate and darkness. I got you at the end, at the end I have found my true place of belonging._ His thoughts danced with the sweet sound of love surrounded by it as Arabella whispered how much she loved him and how happy she was now that they were to be joined in matrimony.

**December arrived** and he could not fathom it had all happened so quickly. All the smiles and laughs, the planning and decisions. Arabella had handled it all with joy and Severus had supported her in all ways possible as he only wished to see her happy. Severus had expanded his business and made quite a name for himself - well, it wasn't actually his name, more a pseudo as they were hiding from the Dark Lord - with three new potions invented and Arabella had managed to climb to a manager at the little café. Time moved swiftly and every moment they had together was cherished and enjoyed. Despite the fact the world was in upheaval as the Dark Lord gained more and more power, constantly searching for Severus as he had deserted him and the Dark Lord had too many secrets kept by Severus to simply let it be. 

"NO! GET OUT!" Arabella shrieked as Severus were about to enter the bedroom to fetch his robe before taking a shower. He slammed the door shut so fast he barely had time to get his nose out of the way as Arabella had screamed at him. _What in the world?_   
"Darling, are you alright?" he asked carefully.   
"You're not supposed to see me in my dress before the wedding! It's bad luck according to muggles you know and your half muggle so I ain't taking no chances here!" she hollered from the other side of the door. Severus chuckled with a shake of his head.   
"Well, could you hand me my robe so I can take a shower? Or we'll be late. You took over three hours in there before, I haven't had time to-" The door creaked open and Arabella's pale hand reached out with his black robe in a soft grip.   
"Here, now bugger of soon-to-be husband." Severus chuckled again and grabbed the robe before the hand disappeared and the door shut in his face again. 

He showered and got dressed in silence. But as he looked at himself in the mirror (a huge thing Arabella had insisted she needed) he felt off. It felt strange to wear a suit. There was nothing wrong with it, Arabella had picked it out for him after many, many, so damn many shopping trips to find something for him. Apparently, it was harder for her to decide what _he_ should wear rather than what she would wear - how on earth that was possible he could not fathom as this was to be her day. She had found her dress instantly, just three shops and then it was done. Not that he had been allowed to be _in_ the shops with her, no, he had to wait outside so as not to see her in any dress at all. 

Severus sighed and dragged a hand through his hair in frustration before he shrugged the beautiful suit off. He grabbed his robe and put it on again. He peaked out of the bathroom. Arabella was still shutting herself in the bedroom so he walked over towards the little door that led down to the cellar. He had his old trunk down there and within it was a set of clothes he had never worn. They were handsewn and ordered only for him. Made just for him. At first glance, they were nothing special. It looked like his old teaching clothes. Frock coat, white shirt, cravat, cloak, tight pants and high boots to go with the outfit. But if one took a moment to look there were delicate patterns sewn into the fabric. The buttons were adorned with lovely stitching of darker purple and the frock coat itself were made with the highest quality and fitted him as his own skin did. Cinched around the waist, flared at the hips and the fabric gently curved over his shoulders. 

He inspected it, let the fabric grace his hands. He had bought it for finer occasions but never had there been an occasion fancy enough for it. But now, now there was the perfect occasion. Especially as he fondly remembered Arabella's comment several months ago about her liking the way his frock coat had hugged his body that day they met on the Quidditch pitch an eternity ago. That was a different life, so distant. Strangely estranged from him, as the concept of soft snow in the burning heat of summer. 

He smacked the lid of the trunk shut and headed back up to the bathroom, carefully making sure Arabella did not see what he was up to. but she was still locked in the bedroom getting ready. _Perfect,_ he thought as he closed and locked the bathroom door behind him. They would not see each other before they were to become husband and wife. He felt elated yet nerves as if he had never seen her before, or her him. They were to become something new, different. True, she had been a wife while he had not been a husband in the past. But that was what it was, past. Now, before them, the future unfolded and invited them as one. 

The clothes fitted him as if they were truly magical. He felt, well he felt almost handsome as he looked at himself in the huge mirror. But there was something, something missing. Something was not quite right. He pondered for a moment as his eyes proved over the clothes. The high boots covered by his tight pants, the frock coat hugged him snuggly and each button seemed to be its own entity of craftmanship. The white shirt that was slightly visible around his hands and neck made the dark purple colour more visible as his black cravat wrapped his throat gently while doing the same as the white of the shirt. Every detail, down to the seams were perfect. Yet something was not. 

Severus sighed as a summer memory danced before his inner eye. Arabella had dragged her hands through his hair, over and over, eventually holding it up. 'You're beautiful like this,' she had said with awe in her voice. He had huffed as she pulled down some strands of black hair to frame his face as she held the rest snuggly behind his head. 'Truly, beautiful honey love,' she had said then and kissed the top of his head as he was sitting and she was stood behind him.   
"Oh she will have a field day with this," he grumbled as he opened up the bathroom cabinet and dug out a hair tie. With his wand, he did his hair. A mid-high ponytail with loose strands around his face. _Oh this is ridiculous!_ But he could not deny that the reflection that stared back t him truly looked good. Different, but handsome in a rough way. _She will love it, so I shall keep it. What's that saying? Happy wife happy life? Guess I better get off with a good start._ He simply thought to himself on a deep sigh. 

**The little** clearing was nearly void of people. There were only three waiting for the couple to be wed. Severus marched up to the marriage officiant, a witch from a neighbouring town. She smiled fondly at him but his face remained stoic and void of emotions. He had tried, he had truly tried to become a better person for Arabella but it seemed to begin and end with her. With others, he was still a rather dark and gloomy figure. It was just who he was. Except for her. For her, he'd be anything. So he did not return the smile. Neither did he smile to the two witnesses that Arabella had asked to join as she knew them from the café, _colleagues I believe_. And as he nodded towards them they nodded back with beaming smiles and somewhat roving looks that he did not appreciate. 

He had only met the wedding officiate once before as she secured potions for healing baths from him about two months earlier. The other two he had never laid eyes upon and he never visited Arabella at work. That was her space and time, not his to barge in on. But the young women, possibly the same age as Arabella herself, seemed to be a bit to appreciative of his new clothes. _They are for her, and her only. Dimwits,_ he thought as his face hardened further. He did not enjoy the looks or the smiles and they seemed to notice his demeanour - finally - as the smiles faded and they did not look at him quite so much. 

A twig snapped and Severus immediately looked towards the sound. There she was. Her body clad in a tightly fitted mermaid dress covered with lace coloured to an ivory shade. Her shoulders were covered with a thick white fur to keep the cold at bay. Her hair loose around her face in a half up/half down style flecked with glittering pearls and beads. The lace trailed behind her in a short train that was in soft contrast to the completely white snow that covered the ground. He was shocked. Forgot to breathe. Couldn't think or speak. There was only her and the beauty she spellbound him with just by existing. 

She smiled at him, softly. It tugged at his heart as a tear rolled down his cheek. He was in awe of her. Bound to her, through body and soul. His lips softened into a smile as his body relaxed. Unbeknownst to him, he had heard she would not come. That she would have run away given the chance. But she had not. She had not run away from his gloomy state and harsh stature when they met. She had not run away when he confessed his feelings. She had not run away when he laid himself bare for her despite the wicked history etched into his skin. And now, now she was walking towards him enveloped in a wedding dress as she was offering herself for all eternity to him. As he did for her. 

Her eyes travelled over his body and face as soft, gentle music played in the same tempo she walked. Her eyes twinkled, her smile widened and he could see hunger and pure lust reflected in her eyes as her young darted out ever so slightly to wet her lips. He could barely contain himself either. He wanted to devour him, yet, at the same time, he wanted to cherish the moment they were having. But as she reached him and gently wrapped her arm around his while her free hand held on to the white roses dusted with sparkling glitter of silver and purple. They stood before the wedding officiant with a witness on each side. 

She spoke of love and health, of companionship and hardships to overcome but all he could think of were her. All he could hear was his own pounding heart and the gentle breaths Arabella took. Her hand shook ever so slightly as she held on to his arm tightly. He placed his free hand atop her hand that rested near his wrist and they both peaked at each other for a moment. That was all it took. Tears rolled down his cheeks as her eyes watered. He was truly happy. 

When they were finally declared husband and wife his lips could not reach her's fast enough. He kissed her and she kissed him, passionately. A band of silver glinted around his finger as his hands cradled her face gently. Two rings of silver with diamonds and swirling markings glinted on her finger as her hands rested on his chest. She smiled and laughed through the kiss. He could not help but smile as well. _Mine, my beloved. Mine to cherish, love and protect. Care for, live with..._ The thoughts made him swell with warmth as the world shifted around them to realign and allow space for all the emotions that rushed between them.  
"I love you," she said against his lips.   
"As I love you," he replied and the witnesses clapped while they shouted 'congratulations' for them. 

Arabella sank down on her heels and her eyes wandered around his face.   
"You are beautiful," she whispered and his cheeks were a tad rosy - from the cold or her adoring words, who could possibly tell?   
"You're not wearing the suit, I'm so glad," she continued and he chuckled as she beamed at him.   
"I remember somebody loving my body in these clothes." She nodded as her cheeks blushed deeper from his words paired with the cold December air. They kissed yet again as her arms snaked up around his neck and he grabbed her waist. He separated from the kiss and lifted her up in half a spin as she laughed. All was right in his life. All was as it should be and the joy was indescribable. 

As he sat her down they kissed again, passionately, lost in each other. So lost in the love that the black shadow approaching swiftly went unnoticed until it was too late.   
"Found you," a cackling voice snickered out with a hiss at the end. Severus wrenched his lips away from Arabella's instantly but the faintest of shudders that passed through her body and into him had him frozen. She breathed out the softest of breaths that hitched in her throat ever so slightly as a burst of cackling laughter followed by a jubilant shriek of satanic joy filled his ears as she slowly sank to the ground through his arms. Arabella landed with a slight thud in the white snow and it turned red. 

He shattered as his eyes landed on a black knife sticking out from her back. Its blade pushed in all the way to the hilt.   
" _NOOO!_ " he screamed in a roar as loud as thunder while he sank to his knees as he grabbed for her, held her to him. Their eyes met for a mere second and something flickered in hers before they turned cold and empty. Void of the glistening life that shined so bright a mere moment earlier. Void of all things that was her. He shook her body, called her name, screamed for her as he slowly turned hollow, empty and broken. 

The cackling laughter of Bellatrix echoed all around him but he was too focused on Arabella. Too focused on the love of his life, on his actual life - his reason for existing, for breathing and living. His everything. She was lifeless in his arms. Her ivory dress stained red, her gentle mouth slightly open but no air flowed in or out. Her eyes looked at him but saw nothing. He kissed her, held her, cradled her, cried and screamed as rage and the purest of savage pains tore through him. Pain so volatile and ferocious he could no longer tell his soul from his body as the pain ravaged him from all directions, on all plains and levels. Every part of his being ached in excruciating pain as he lost the one thing he had vowed over and over to protect. 

_I failed you, again, I failed you. Failed you, failed you, failed you..._ His mind pounded him with hatred and loathing as his soul was crushed and smashed by sorrow and grief. All while his heart was shattered; mangled by clawed hands ripping through it like a giant ripped a human to bits limb by limb. The cackling sound penetrated his mind and Severus himself had barely registered his motions before the wand was aimed at the dancing woman clad in black and the Killing Curse shot out of his wand with such speed Bellatrix was dead before she even noticed the green bolt of light that surged towards her. Her body crumbled as his filled with rage so blindingly white the snow could not compete. He had failed her. He had lost her and there was nothing that could ever be done to undo that hideous reality. 

His shoulders sank as he looked back down on Arabella. She was laying in his lap, her head rested on his arm heavily as the wind tousled her lovely hair. Her open eyes were painful portals to an empty void where she previously had been. She was gone and he could not fathom it. His mind tumbled around, stumbled over thoughts and words. Tried to find a reason to dismiss reality as it was just too painful to acknowledge. As he choked on sobs, shook with her in his embrace and stained himself red from her blood he roared out his sorrow with much thunder it shook him physically. 

He buried his face in her neck as he cried and sobbed. Her hair got damp from his neverending tears. He could barely breathe as his lungs refused to accept the air he tried desperately to press down despite the fact every breath was infused by her sent as he pressed his face against her so harshly he was afraid of hurting her, despite that not being a possibility any longer.   
"I'm so sorry, so sorry," he sobbed, "so sorry, darling. So, so sorry. Please, please come back to me. Please..." But she would not come back. She would not smile at him or laugh with him. She would no longer pick flowers or eat his cooking. She would no longer dance in the moonlight or bath in the first light of dawn. She would no longer be, no longer exist. He would no longer be loved by her and he would not be able to ever stop loving her. His love was eternal and it went with her. He held her tighter as he rocked back and forth, the pain in his chest made him feel as if he had taken a bludger to the heart...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DON'T HATE ME O.O <3  
> I'm so sorry dearies I just, couldn't resist as this lined up so perfectly... Please do not throw your phone or smash your keyboard! <3 all things do not end well, all things do not end up in a HEA and this sadly turned out to be one of those things. I am so sorry, and the reason I don't give any warning in the tags is because I truly wanted you to be unprepared for this as life gives no warning so I did my utmost NOT to hint at it more than absolutely necessary. 
> 
> I hope you can forgive me and for the love of Snape's cloak go read some fluff with a happy ending <3 Mend your hearts lovelies <3


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